


In the palm of my (your?) hand

by unepical



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: (Until it's not), Bodyswap, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Eventual Mutual Understanding, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, No Smut, Scars, Self-Indulgent, Trans Hinata Hajime, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unepical/pseuds/unepical
Summary: Hajime wakes up in a body that very much is not his as the thrilling new motive Monokuma has provided them with. Chaos insures.It turns out bodies tell a lot more about a person than first expected.(occurs after chapter two of sdr2)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 140
Kudos: 737
Collections: Quality Fics





	1. Swapped!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back again with *another* self indulgent au! Writing ingame komaeda and hajime is HARD so if the writing is lackluster then I apologize in hindsight because I did start this fic a few months ago.
> 
> This one isn't going to be super long- I'm aiming to clock out at around 18k words, but I do hope you enjoy anyway.
> 
> Just a TW: This fic does have themes of self harm, though it's non graphic and all scars discussed are old.

Hajime woke up with a start as the morning Monokuma announcement played- which was becoming far too much a routine for his liking. He felt  _ awful _ , like his whole body was made of lead, so he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the early morning light streaming annoyingly through the window. Monokuma was probably going to present a new motive today, and Hajime just was not in the mood. (To be fair to him, who would ever be in the mood to hear something like that.)

Though, he’d probably rather get up himself than have Monokuma come into his cabin. Cracking his eyes open, he inched his way out of bed, head filled with cotton, groaning. Had he slept with his binder on or something? He normally didn’t feel this shitty when he woke up.

He was instantly a lot more awake when he realised that this was not his cabin. He hadn’t had stacks of books in his room last time he checked, and these were not his nightclothes. And that his body felt really, really different. Lighter yet so much heavier.

Never had Hajime run to the bathroom faster

“Oh fuck me” the words slipped out of his mouth as he saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Perhaps a better way of saying it would be that  _ Komaeda’s  _ reflection was staring out at him. The white fluffy hair, pale skin and thin stature belonging to the lucky student, not him. The same guy who essentially orchestrated the deaths of two of his classmates only something like a week ago. (Togami had been something of a friend, really. It had majorly fucked him up seeing the dead body of someone who Hajime looked up to)

Running his hand through his (Komaeda’s?) hair, Hajime thoughts were running at a million miles per hour.  _ Was this the motive?  _ Did anyone else happen to just magically wake up in someone else’s body? Hajime wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. How the hell did Monokuma even pull something like this off? Was this just some weird dream? Some dream if it was.

Hajime suddenly realised something about the fact he was in Komaeda’s body. A  _ male  _ body.

Tearing off the shirt he was wearing, he felt a stupid grin slide onto his face, a small laugh escaping his lips. Was he invading the other boy’s privacy by doing this? Either way, his chest was completely flat, nothing needed to make it that way, it just  _ was.  _ He bounced around a bit and fell onto Komaeda’s bed, relishing the alien yet amazing sensation. His giggles died down when he realised how much his body ached and how much his throat now burned from doing almost nothing. The initial glamour of being in a male body ended when he realised the sorry state Komaeda’s body was actually in, his ribs obvious against the sallow skin, his breaths wheezing. Hajime brought his arms up, wrapping his fingers around Komaeda’s wrist, finding there was far too much room.

“Jesus Christ Komaeda” Hajime swore, feeling nauseated. He wasn’t sure if that was because the lucky student was obviously  _ very  _ sick or that Hajime was realising the reality of this situation. Looking at his arms, Hajime saw messes of white lines, up the entirety of his forearms. None of them were fresh, or even recent, but it didn’t help the pool of dread settling in his stomach. It especially didn’t help that someone on this island might have woken up in Hajime’s body and gotten a very unpleasant surprise. Depending on who it may be, Hajime could be completely screwed over, everyone would know that he was  _ different  _ and he would be rejected and called a liar and-

Hajime hadn’t realised that he’d been having a panic attack, but he forced himself out of that spiral, the breaths rattling in his shallow chest. He needed to get to his cabin. That’s where he needed to go. Not on the floor of Komaeda’s hut, especially not hyperventilating. He would be fine. This had happened before, and he was fine now, so he’ll live. He always will live (it seemed bitterly ironic thinking that now. Four people had died, one was seriously injured. Kuzuryuu had sliced his stomach the morning before and was now back in hospital. Who knew, maybe Hajime would die today. Depending on how it went, he might want to)

He put on Komaeda’s pants and jacket, trying not to look at the scars as he did it- what had happened to him for him to do that to himself?-There were smaller ones on his legs too, Hajime ignored them. (He tried to, anyway. He felt sick looking at them)

Wherever Komaeda was, Hajime was going to have a long chat with him. Potentially slap him too, depending on how annoying he decided to be about this entire situation.

It had felt like it had been ages since he’d woken up, but Hajime knew it had only been a few minutes- fifteen at most. Before he found Komaeda, however, he would have to find whoever was in his body. Hopefully they’d be confused enough to just stay in Hajime’s cabin and wait until he came around.

Once Hajime was outside, quite a few other people were around too, Souda(?) looking remarkably pissed off as he stormed over to Hajime, grabbing a fistful of his shirt

“Oi! What the fuck is this? Do you know something about this? Huh?”

Hajime just blinked. Not Souda.

“Kuzuryuu?” Hajime guessed, raising his eyebrows (Komaeda’s voice was usually fairly high, but it turned out if Hajime was speaking with it, he sounded a lot more like himself than he would have expected)

“That’s right, you bastard. Now tell me what the  _ hell  _ is going on” Kuzuryuu snarled. It sounded strange coming out of Souda’s mouth

“Uh. I don’t know? Is everyone else like this?” Hajime asked, massaging his temple “also... I hate to break it to you but I’m not Komaeda. I don’t know where the hell he is, so don’t ask”

“Holy shit. Alright, let me guess- Hinata?” Kuzuryuu gaped as Hajime nodded “you poor son of a bitch. How does it feel?”

“Not good.” Hajime grimaced. He would not be surprised if he passed out right then and there. “I have to go find whoever is in my body. You probably should too”

“Whoever is in mine is holed up in the hospital. I’ll go pay ‘em a visit” Kuzuryuu gave a short nod, Hajime offering him a grim smile, going in the direction of his cabin, knocking fairly forcefully on the door

“Come on...” Hajime groaned, his heart beating far too quickly for his liking

Whoever was in there, Hajime was definitely not looking forward to this encounter. If it was Nanami, he’d probably be okay. She was really kind. He’d be okay with it if she was there- admittedly Hajime was kind of attached to Nanami, he wouldn’t care if she knew. He didn’t think she’d care either.

He could cross Kuzuryuu off his list of suspects but that didn’t really narrow it down very much.

He knocked again, rustling coming from inside his cabin

“I know someone’s in there. Who is it?”

“...Hinata Hajime?” A questioning voice sounded “who else would it be”

“You’re not Hinata, I’m Hinata. Now open up” Hajime groaned. He desperately needed to sit down, his head hurt

“Hinata-kun? It’s really you? How wonderful it is to know that someone as amazing as you has come to my aid! I’m so lucky!” A voice chirped from inside, completely changing pitch

Hajime gritted his teeth. Two birds with one stone, it seemed. A click sounded and he was inside. It was eerie looking at himself from the point of view of someone else. (Did his hair really look that stupid?)

“Um. Hey.” Hajime said awkwardly as he closed the door behind him. He wasn’t sure if he’d trust Komaeda in the same room as him, but the circumstances were kind of different here.

“Hinata-kun... I just need to know, have you been feeling ill? Unwell?” Komaeda asked tentatively, sitting on his bed. The head tilt looked wrong on Hajime’s body.

“You’re really sick. Don’t even bother to argue with me or cover it up. I feel like shit” Hajime deadpanned. Komaeda sighed

“I know.” Komaeda said quietly, brushing his hand through Hajime’s hair, obviously not used to how short it was “Ah, but you know, when I die, I’ll make sure hope comes from it! Don’t worry!”

“I’m worrying because I’m in your body, Komaeda.” Hajime growled “the motive is probably about this. Just tell me, what do you have?”

Komaeda’s grin faded, eyes steeled. “This wasn’t meant to  _ happen  _ Hinata-kun. You aren’t meant to be me and I’m not meant to be you. Hgn... hah. Hahaha. Isn’t it despairing! Such great hope will come from this, don’t you say?”

Hajime felt his patience wearing thin “Komaeda, we will go to the diner and see what the hell is going on, and then you are telling me what is wrong, alright?”

“Such powerful words from an ultimate! Hinata-kun wants to spend time with someone as disgusting as me? How wonderful!” Komaeda rambled, giggling a little “Ah. But I do need your help, I’m not too sure if it’s something body-swap related but you... ah... how do I say this?” Komaeda’s face was noticeably red as he fumbled on his words

_ Oh. _

He’d somehow nearly forgotten about why he was here in the first place, his own face heating up in shame

“Uh... yeah.” Hajime said dumbly, “it's not a body swap thing. Sorry.”

Komaeda narrowed his eyes, Hajime feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He hadn’t reacted badly, right? This wasn’t a bad reaction, was it? Komaeda stood up from where he was sitting on the bed, facing Hajime, “why are you sorry?”

Hajime blanched, “Uh. I lied to you, right?”

“No you didn’t. You’re Hinata-kun, I don’t think that has changed, has it?” Komaeda questioned

“...no?” Hajime scratched his neck, trying to look somewhere else besides Komaeda’s eyes, face burning

“Then it’s fine! Though, I need to know where the thing that you wear is- I’d understand if you wouldn’t want me to sully your clothes with my presence, though! It’s fine!” Komaeda said happily. Hajime gritted his teeth

“You have to wear something.” Hajime reached under his bed and threw the other his clothes, Komaeda instantly making the move to take off his shirt

“Hey! Not right here!” Hajime hissed, looking away quickly. He didn’t think he could stomach looking at his body, even if he wasn’t in it right now

“Ah right, my apologies!” Komaeda bowed quickly and scuffled into Hajime’s bathroom. As the other boy got changed, Hajime played with Komaeda’s hair, shocked at how soft it was. He’d always kind of wanted to see how it felt, the cotton coloured mop well washed and fluffy. Hajime could commend the lucky student for that at least- If he was in Saionji’s body right now he would be suffering from how much she  _ stank.  _ Komaeda smelt like lavender.

He couldn’t drop his guard around the other boy, however. He absolutely could not. He’d already done that once and had suffered the consequence, he had to be extremely wary. Komaeda’s kind exterior was exactly what it was- an exterior. Underneath those sweet smiles and genuine concern was the boy who had laughed maniacally as he was unveiled to be behind the death of two classmates, the boy who had egged everyone to find hope in death, to continue the killing game. Just because Komaeda had just completely and unconditionally accepted Hajime for who he was didn’t mean he was a good person. It didn’t erase that he was responsible for so much pain. It didn’t hide that he was dangerously intelligent and absolutely capable of killing someone else.

Hajime still wanted to know more about the other boy- wanted to understand him, at the very least. He wanted to know why Komaeda was like this, why he was so unbothered by all of these horrific events. Hajime grimaced as he rolled up Komaeda’s sleeve slightly, some of the scars poking through. Something told Hajime that he would be getting a lot more of those answers a lot sooner than he would probably have originally. The chances were that Hajime never would have learned half of what he did now- that Komaeda was sick and was going to die from it, that Komaeda had gone through something terrible enough that he’d done that to himself. He hadn’t even properly spoken to him about any of these things, none of them even being mentioned or even

It was a lot to process.

Komaeda popped out of the bathroom pretty much fully dressed (Hajime was admittedly impressed that he’d managed it, though the other boy had discarded the tie)

“Alright then, Hinata-kun! Let’s go see what this motive is!” Komaeda piped up, far too happy for the fact that they were getting some kind of incentive to murder, Hajime furrowing his eyebrows and reluctantly following after him.

They surprisingly weren’t the last ones there, Kuzuryuu, Souda, Saionji and Tsumiki were not there yet.

Everyone that was there was equally perplexed about what was going on. Sonia and Gundham, Akane and Nekomaru, Mioda and Nanami. All of them had woken up in the wrong cabin and wrong body and all of them were confused.

After a while, the other four trickled in, Kuzuryuu supporting what Hajime assumed was Souda, who was whining about something,

“But it hurrts Kuzuryuu-kun!! Why did you make me come back hereeee” Souda cried loudly, everyone in the room turning to face him

“Shut the hell up, stop making my face look like that you whiny bitch” Kuzuryuu growled “You’re pretty much healed, so man up and stop being such a fucking baby”

“What!? You’re being so unfair here! I’m not Yakuza! I’m just some guy!” Souda wailed, tearing up. It looked strange seeing his friends essentially swapped around

“Oi! One of you two-“ Kuzuryuu gestured to Tsumiki and Saionji “I don’t know which one is which, just tell him that he’s fine”

Hajime and the rest of them just sat on in amusement as Tsumiki (in Saionji’s body) stammered to Souda that he was in fact fine.

The humor evaporated as a certain black and white bear appeared in the room, everyone going dead silent

“What’s wrong? Did I ruin a moment?” The pitched voice of the bear tore throughout the room, followed by manic laugher “Ha! That’s why I’m here! That’s right! You’re probably super freaked out that you woke up in some other chump’s body, huh?”

“And? What else would you expect us to be, you stupid bear” Saionji (in Tsumiki’s body) sassed, a pout visible on her face

Monokuma shrugged “I dunno! Though, you should know, calling someone stupid is sooooo mean... don’t you agree, idiot sister?”

Monomi popped out of the blue, “hey! That’s just as bad!”

Hajime gave Komaeda an exasperated look, the other shrugging

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of Monomi’s and Monokuma’s arguing, the black and white bear clearing his throat

“Ah! That’s right, this is the motive! You’ll all be stuck in the bodies of your other classmates until one of you kills eachother! Isn’t that so despairingly fun! Ahh there’s some rules though!” Monokuma trilled, Monomi protesting about something in the corner

No one said anything so the bear continued

“Aaanyway! If you kill someone, after the class trial everyone will wake up in their own bodies again! Isn’t that wonderful! It doesn’t matter who does or how they die or which body they’re in! And... if you don’t, I’ll switch you all around until you do!” Monokuma cackled

“How long do we have?” Hajime asked, his voice low. He received quite a few stares, but he needed to know

“Awh!! Is Hinata scared? You have forever- Surely enough time! I’ll be disappointed if I have to switch you all around again, though, I hand picked this batch!” Monokuma cleared his throat (he was a robotic bear. There wasn’t a need to) and gave a devilish grin, almost magically disappearing out of the room.

Hajime clenched his jaw. The bear obviously knew about Hajime and probably knew about Komaeda’s illness too. Who knew what everyone else here was hiding. Who knew how they were going to use it to kill each other

The breakfast they had was very quiet. Bodies hid a lot of secrets people didn’t want to tell others. It couldn’t just be him and Komaeda who were keeping something underneath the visible exterior.

To be fair, it usually wasn’t any of anyone’s business as to what someone looked like besides the outwardly there. Hajime stood by that. He didn’t want to know about what everyone else was dealing with. But he also didn’t want everyone else to know what he was dealing with.

That was fair, right? Obviously Komaeda didn’t want anyone knowing about his illness, and Hajime thought that was reasonable, albeit a little silly, because Tsumiki could probably help him- Komaeda was unhinged, but he didn’t deserve to die. No one on this island did. (Monokuma did, but he didn’t really count. A psychotic robotic bear didn’t really add up to a person, thankfully)

Eating even a little amount of food made Hajime’s nausea feel worse, but he really didn’t have much of a choice than to eat- Komaeda’s body was way too thin. If he focused, he could feel his ribs pull against his skin. Hajime’s own body was hugely more robust, so he somewhat wished to be back in it; he knew how it worked, what to eat and when- he wasn’t sick either, that was a bonus that he wouldn’t take for granted if he got back in it.

Hajime wondered if Komaeda felt liberated and restrained in the same ways. He’d have to keep the other boy close to him a lot more from now on- he a) didn’t want him doing anything stupid with Hajime’s body, and b) didn’t want him to go killing someone, because Hajime’s gut told him that Monokuma had switched them for a good reason- He just didn’t know why.  
  


It seemed as though he'd find that out soon, wouldn't he?


	2. Mis(understandings)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime and Nagito try to get to understand eachother through a game. It turns out that playing 20 questions with the islands antagonist wasn’t as fun as it seemed in theory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is soon!!! Yay!  
> (And if you are Jewish, happy late Hanukkah) (and if you don’t celebrate Christmas, Happy holidays!)
> 
> TW: mild themes of self harm and suicide

It would be a somewhat immature assumption that Hajime wanted to be Komaeda’s friend- he didn’t- But Hajime did want to understand him. Wanted to know what made the strange boy work, why he was like this. (Maybe Hajime did want to rekindle whatever friendship they had. He wanted things to go back to how they were, when they’d first met and Komaeda hadn’t shown his true colours. They had been friends then. Hajime missed it)

Coincidentally, the other teen gave him a little smile from across the table- Hajime couldn’t really help but smile back, Komaeda’s face lighting up a bit. Hajime wasn’t really getting used to it, but it didn’t look as strange seeing expressions he’d never make on his face when he knew exactly who was making them.

After breakfast, they all made the deal to stick with their ‘body swap partner’ and to both keep watch on each other as long as they can- with exceptions like the bathroom and showers. Hajime had a quick conversation with Nanami, but she seemed preoccupied, so he quickly backed off- Komaeda bounced back and forward on his toes politely waiting, no one really speaking to him. (Even when he looked more approachable, he was still the same guy- of course people were reluctant to chat to him)

Hajime eventually gave up and went back to Komaeda, who offered him a warm smile, Hajime offering him a nod.

“I’ve decided on a game for us to play, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda sang

“If it has anything involved with killing someone or hurting either of us I won’t do it.” Hajime deadpanned

Komaeda chuckled “no no... nothing of the sort. It’s like twenty questions- I ask you a question, then you can ask me a question”

“What if you just refuse to answer it?” Hajime countered, frowning

“I won’t! But that also means you can’t avoid the question either. You can skip one but that means I can skip one too. Got it?”

“Alright.” Hajime agreed “I’ll go first.”

“Sounds good!” Komaeda smiled pleasantly. It was annoying how happy go lucky he seemed. Hajime wasn’t going to skip any of his questions just so Komaeda couldn’t skip any of his.

“What are you sick with?” Hajime asked instantly

“Haha not starting off easy are we? I have stage three malignant lymphoma and frontotemporal dementia- or well, I only have frontotemporal dementia, to a technicality. You have the lymphoma.” Komaeda sighed, giving the other boy a sad look, Hajime swallowing hard

“How long do you have? Or how long do I have?” Hajime breathed, a weight on his chest (he recognised it to be dread)

“No no! You can’t ask that Hinata-kun! I’m asking you a question now!” Komaeda booped Hajime on the nose, the other boy nearly growling at him in annoyance

“Fine.” He bit out

“I’d hate to think I’m annoying you, but rules are rules, Hinata-kun, no matter how much hope you have.” Komaeda sang “my question to you is what is your biggest secret?”

Hajime groaned, “you sound like a schoolgirl. You already know it, genius. You’re the one in my body right now, you tell me”

Komaeda laughed “You’re a pretty open book past that Hinata-kun! It’s an honor to be privy to your secrets, it truly is! I’m so lucky!”

The other boy’s seemingly disarming honesty wasn’t unpleasant, so Hajime felt a tiny bit of the previous annoyance lift

“Yeah, I guess I am. Now, how long do we have” Hajime asked, his voice a lot more level now

“Hm... I was given a year to a year and a half, but don’t worry! I’ll make sure that you won’t die in my body!” Komaeda gave Hajime a big smile

“Hell no. I’d rather die from cancer or whatever than some other poor bastard and you die from the class trial. I’m making a rule here and now that I’m not letting you out of my sight, alright?”

The previously white-haired boy frowned “if that’s what Hinata-kun wants, then I guess I can’t object. Very well! My turn, by the way” Komaeda put a contemplative finger to his chin “Hmm... if you had to go out on a date with anyone on the island, who would it be?”

Feeling his face go red, Hajime scratched his neck “Uh... Nanami, probably. She’s really nice, and... yeah”

Komaeda laughed “You have a crush on Nanami-san? Oh Hinata-kun, how scandalous!”

“Shut up! That’s a second question! I’m not answering that.” Hajime hissed “Same question- you have to go on a date with someone here, who would it be?”

The other teen narrowed his eyes slightly “Hm... Probably you. I know you wouldn’t want to, I understand that, but choosing out of everyone, you appear to hate me the least, so it’d be the safest bet, don’t you think?” Komaeda replied pragmatically. Hajime shrugged- that was fair- he did seem to dislike Komaeda the least out of everyone, besides Nanami, who didn’t seem to dislike anyone. Maybe Komaeda didn’t pick her because he wouldn’t want to intrude on anything they had. Though that seemed weird- maybe Komaeda was into guys?

“Ah, that’s right! I get a question now. So do you have a crush on Nanami-san?” Komaeda giggled, cutting off Hajime’s thought

Hajime wanted to strangle his smug face right there but he took a deep breath and shrugged “I might? I dunno- it seems inappropriate- we’re in a killing game and we barely know each other, right? For all I know Nanami could be worse than you”

“I find it fitting that someone like me is a standard of insanity to be compared to, but you can’t really control your feelings, Hinata-kun! Remember Kuzuryuu-kun and Pekoyama-san?” Komaeda sighed “and there’s Souda-kun and his affinity for Nevermind-san, but I don’t know if that counts''

“I think it’s a half point.” Hajime suggested “I’ve never seen a more one sided relationship in my life”

Komaeda laughed “Indeed! I pity Nevermind-san”

“Me too.” Hajime grimaced “My turn, by the way”

The other boy nodded. They’d made their way to the central island. The park was pretty well kept, tiny flowers dotting the grass in some places. There weren't many birds here, some small tropical finches flitting around the trees- the only birds they seemingly had here were those little colourful ones and the sea eagles, but they always seemed so far away that they almost didn’t count. It was the same with the trees- there seemed to be only two kinds- the signature palm trees and the large oak-appearing trees, which was weird, because Hajime didn’t think oak trees grew on islands? He wished that someone here was the Ultimate Botanist so he could know what on earth they were.

Hajime wasn’t sure what he wanted his question to be- did Komaeda like anyone on this island? The idea of that seemed kind of weird, seeing almost everyone sort of hated him. It led to another question, probably one far more important- Why did Monokuma switch them specifically? Was there a reason?

“Hey, Komaeda, why do you think Monokuma switched us?” Hajime asked

Komaeda hummed slightly “He’s probably trying to exploit the fact I have certain feelings regarding you and make it so I’m forced to kill someone to prevent you from dying. It’s fairly logical, albeit cold- And so tasteless! Haha!” The lucky student barked a laugh. It made Hajime uncomfortable seeing his face twisting into the same warped expressions he saw in the first class trial

Wait... what?

“Feelings?” Hajime said, perplexed

“No no! That’s another question, Hinata-kun! I need to ask you something! Isn’t it exciting?” Komaeda giggled

Hajime wanted to slap the other boy so badly that he had to clench his fist and bite his tongue

“Are you prepared to die in my rotting, disgusting body instead of me? You’ve taken my place, after all- If I acted well enough I could become you, Hinata-kun! How much despair does it bring you to know that an ultimate such as you will die instead of trash like me? Huh?” Komaeda laughed, the disturbing chords piercing the air, “huh? Nothing to say, Hinata-kun? Lost for words? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

Hajime slapped him- not too hard, but enough to definitely be felt. Komaeda went dead silent as Hajime grabbed his collar and drew him in so that they could look eye to eye- green-grey into hazel

“Shut the hell up. If you think that I’m going to let you kill someone then you’re out of your mind. I’ll die in your body if it means that no one else does. That’s final.” Hajime snarled. Komaeda’s eyes were wide, a small red patch forming on his cheek “I’m not letting you die either, so you’re not going to go fucking kill yourself, alright? Remember our rule?”

The other boy gulped, a smile then pulling onto his face

“Ah... your hope is so wonderful Hinata-kun... I’m truly not deserving of it being used on me. I’m so lucky...” Komaeda wrapped his arms around his body, a blush obvious on his face. Hajime did not like that expression on his face. It looked like longing, the only accurate way to probably describe it would be  _ lovesick. _

“Alright... I have one more question” Hajime felt gross- like he needed a really hot shower

“It's a bit mean that you’re just making me confirm things you already know, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda chuckled. Getting over the almost constant backflips that was the mess of Komaeda’s personality was getting slightly easier to handle, but it was still a shock when he went from batshit crazy to somewhat pleasant

“It’s not about that. You can tell me that in your own coalition.” Hajime sighed, taking off the green and red jacket. “What happened to you Komaeda? What was so bad that you thought that doing this was your own escape?”

The colour drained from the other boy’s face as he saw all of the scars, though the smile remained “Ah! I don’t think you’d want to hear the whole thing- you shouldn’t burden yourself with my life story” Komaeda offered a warm smile, as if to try and placate Hajime

“I want to hear it.” Hajime insisted “After you can ask me any question you want, okay? Just answer this me for me”

Komaeda sighed “If that's what you desire from me, I cannot resist.”

“Thank you.” Hajime nodded sitting himself down on the grass, Komaeda following him

“The truth is, I did that to myself so that no one else would have to die or suffer at my hands. Everyone I got close to seemed to! My parents, my fosters, my dog, even my household maids! I lost count a while ago of how many there were, but they were all causations of my luck, you see? I thought I deserved that pain too- I still absolutely do- I’m a disgusting piece of human trash who barely deserves to even breathe the same air as you ultimates... though, all of that hurt didn’t do anything- I ended up getting diagnosed anyway, my doctor that I liked ended up dying too. So you can be safely assured I won’t do it again, least of all tarnish your body in that way, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda’s eyes were completely empty, but a smile remained, plastered on his lips in a way where it looked like it had been sewn there. Hajime wished he was back in his body purely so he wouldn’t have to keep looking at his face like this. Hajime was right with his assumption that Komaeda had been through some kind of trauma- the way he reacted to things seemed unnatural- he seemed as though he was totally unaffected when he woke up on an island with fifteen other people he had no recollection of even getting there

“I’m sorry.” Hajime frowned, putting Komaeda’s coat back on “You didn’t deserve that to happen to you. It was an unfair question to ask.”

“It’s not really. If it means you can fight harder for hope, then I’ll gladly say or do anything! Give the word, and I would lay my life down for yours  _ without hesitation _ . Though, your somewhat irritating persistence tells me that you won’t” Komaeda sniffed in an almost unimpressed way “I don’t know if I should love or hate you for that. You’re something of an enigma, aren’t you, Hinata Hajime?”

The shivers that went down Hajime’s spine weren’t because of the light breeze that just swept through. He’d always thought Komaeda wearing both long pants and a thick coat was overkill, but now he was in his body, he understood- it wasn’t overkill- No wonder the white-haired boy had hung off him so much. Thinking back to what Komaeda had just said, Hajime found it somewhat ironic- he didn’t understand the other boy at all, he was elusive and stubborn and often toeing the line of sanity and insanity, but he was also strangely kind and understanding. (Hajime still couldn’t really tell if it was an act or not)

“So are you, to be fair.” Hajime commented, Komaeda chuckling

“I hope that someday we can come to understand each other, Hinata-kun. I really do.” Komaeda smiled. It reached his eyes this time, even if it was a little sad “I know why we can’t be friends, but I hope that in some other life we could’ve been, as pathetic as that may sound”

“If you live through this, then maybe we can be” Hajime said, knowing how dangerous his words were. He didn’t want Komaeda to die at all, even if he was definitely extremely misguided and verging on being irredeemable in Hajime’s eyes. He didn’t deserve that fate- one of loneliness and self-hatred. Pekoyama had been a murderer, so had Kuzuryuu... Hajime had forgiven them, hadn’t he? Kuzuryuu had tried to kill Kozumi, Pekoyama had succeeded. Hajime didn’t hate them, for whatever reason. He even wanted to still be friends with the angry teen. How was it different with Komaeda?

(Because he’d shown no mercy. He was not sympathetic.)

Though, when Hajime saw Komaeda’s face light up from those words, it made him doubt his judgement slightly

Why was that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imply that Hajime has a crush on Nanami in this, but it’s more just him not being able to properly differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings. Hence why no hinanami tag.
> 
> Hope everyone is well! :))
> 
> Comments are ALWAYS appreciated thank you so much for the feedback so far 😌😌


	3. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime and Nagito hang out and try to reach some common ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing these two. 
> 
> tw for discussions of s/h scars

“You... would want to be a friend to someone like me?” Komaeda looked at his hand, then back at Hajime “Why?”

“You don’t deserve to be alone” Hajime put a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder “You don’t. Don’t tell me that you do.”

“Aha... Hinata-kun... I’m terrified now! You say something like that and something bad will definitely happen to you.”

“I don’t know, waking up in a terminal illness patient’s body is a pretty bad thing to happen to me.” Hajime mused, Komaeda cracking a laugh

“Ah you have a good point!” The lucky student chuckled “Admittedly, your body is far stronger than mine. I can do all sorts of things I wasn’t able to beforehand- I could barely walk for a mile until I passed out, now I feel I could confidently run around this entire island!”

“It doesn’t feel weird?” Hajime asked

“Hm... a little, but at the same time, the pros definitely outweigh the cons.” Komaeda put a finger on his chin “and, what about you?”

“Well, as you said, you’re not in great shape. How often do you even eat?”

Komaeda grimaced “Not often enough, probably.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I feel sick and really tired, but I suppose it could be worse. Your hair is nice, I guess.” Hajime said, Komaeda’s face growing red.

“Oh no, I’ll go bald by thirty- your hair is so thick I’m not too sure you’ll even go bald at all. And you have a lot more than that too, you have such wonderful eyes! I can’t tell what colour they are- green? Hazel? Yellow?- and you have such cute freckles on your arms! Ah for my arms to have them instead of my disgusting scars... oh! And-“

Hajime stopped him “Your scars aren’t disgusting, Komaeda.”

“I find them disgusting, especially because I thought that my pain was significant enough to stop my luck.” He laughed mirthlessly “and here we are, and you’re not going to let me die so you can live. You’re so  _ irritating  _ Hinata-kun. Can’t you see that I’m worthless? The only good thing I can ever accomplish is to help you all achieve Hope! And right now, the only way I can think of doing that is dying, so please let me die for you, Hinata-kun.  _ Please”  _ it sounded as though Komaeda was begging.

He was wrong. Komaeda meant something to Hajime, and he would certainly care if the lucky student died- he doubted it would bring any kind of hope at all. It would fizzle out and try to be forgotten, nothing but a memory of his antics. He knew that the lucky student could find hope somehow- anyone with feelings could.

“You know I can’t allow that. I’m sorry if that’s what you truly want, but I don’t want you to die, alright? Who said you couldn’t have hope too?” Hajime looked at the palm of his hand (Or, more accurately, Komaeda’s hand) the pale contours of his skin stark against the dark jacket.

“My luck said it, Hinata-kun. I can’t have hope because whenever I do, my luck just takes something more from me. It’s not worth other people’s suffering. I’m not worth it.”

And just like that, Hajime understood. The last crooked puzzle piece of Komaeda Nagito fit into place to form a somewhat incomplete picture of what the white-haired boy really was. He wanted everyone else to feel what he couldn’t, to experience a world where the talented could flourish and have some better life than he did, at the expense of his own well-being, Komaeda saw his luck and the strange cycle of hope and despair to be the same thing. The bigger the bad luck, the greater the good luck, right? Same with hope, the greater despair, the bigger hope. It was warped and definitely misguided, and he was definitely still in the wrong when it came to what had happened in the first trial, but it hadn’t come from a place of deliberate want to hurt people, but from what appeared to be Komaeda’s yearning to see talent shine and flourish.

“I don’t think that’s fair.” Hajime muttered, crossing his arms “everyone deserves a chance at happiness, right? You’re not some special exception from that just because of your luck”

Komaeda sighed “That’s exactly why I’m a special exception, Hinata-kun. If I start having hope, I compromise the safety of every single person on this island.”

“If you’re not aware, our safety is already pretty compromised.” Hajime deadpanned in return “If you want, we can start small. How about you let yourself trust me. Or anyone else, I guess”

Komaeda seemed to consider this, putting a pensive finger to his chin, eyebrows furrowing slightly. Hajime hoped this whole body swap ordeal would be over soon, because it was still unsettling seeing his body being controlled by someone else. Not that he wanted anyone to die, hell no, but this motive seemed kind of pointless at this rate. Whatever monokuma had planned with them hadn’t really worked. Hajime only really felt closer to the other boy, and he knew that when he opened his handbook he would probably have another friendship fragment from Komaeda.

“I already trust you, Hinata-kun. But... if you meant in the context of trusting you with my luck... hm. I suppose that would make sense. Alright. I’ll trust you with everything I have.”

“Thank you. We’re both in this whole situation together, so I’ll make sure that we stay safe, okay?”

Komaeda swallowed thickly, nodding “alright. I don’t... I don’t deserve such kindness, truly. I still think you’re making a mistake, but... I’ll do my best in keeping you safe too... it’s only fair. Ah... thank you.”

Hajime gave the other boy a small smile “No problem”

A little grin came from Komaeda, lying down on the grass, staring up at the sky,

A small noise sounded from his pocket and he reached in there to find a student handbook. It seemed like it was his, somehow, all of his previous progress still there. Just in case, he checked Komaeda’s, his cute little pixelated icon showing up with four stars. One more. He hadn’t got this many friendship stars with anyone else... had he somehow gotten two at once? Nanami was at three, Tsumiki and quite a few others were at two. It was probably because they both knew a lot more about each other now. Whenever Hajime had hung out with Nanami he’d learned something about her too, in a way. With Komaeda, he just seemed to have learned everything at a speed run pace. His parents, his dementia, his cancer, the strange and cruel nuances of Komaeda’s luck. In return, the other boy had learned things about Hajime too, right?

Either way, Hajime definitely felt a lot closer to the white-haired boy. His brain kept screaming at him that they were friends now. Or some messed up killing game equivalent, seeing Hajime’s interest felt much more on the ‘needing to know more about the other to keep everyone safe’. Though... he was sure it had somehow evolved into something more than just mutual lack of understanding and almost obsessive curiosity. He had friends on this island... Nanami, Souda, Nekomaru... they were all kind people. The first word that came to mind when Hajime thought of Komaeda wasn’t ‘kind’ but more so similar to that of ‘complicated.’

Though, when they’d first met, those peaceful first few days on the island, simply just exploring around and getting to know each other, ‘kindness’ was definitely one of the first describing words to come to the top of Hajime’s head when he had thought of the pale teen. He’d been patient, and awkward and lenient, always willing to help out.

Looking down on Komaeda now, serenely staring up at the blue sky, Hajime didn’t see those wild, spiralling eyes at all, but instead someone who was lonely, but so scared of letting people in he pushed people away instead, his talent seeming a lot more like a curse than anything now. Hajime would rather just not have a talent if the other option would be to end up with the cards Komaeda had been given.

“Hey, Komaeda.” Hajime lay down next to him in the grass, a small noise of recognition coming from the other boy “What does your student handbook look like? Like, who do you have friendship fragments with?”

A small chuckle, then “Ah... sadly all of mine are either from you or Nanami-san, and I’ve only got two with her... I’d rather not burden such hope filled people with my terrible conversation skills, and you were the only person to seek me out after... well... you know what happened”

“Yeah.” Hajime grimaced. That trial had felt like a stake being driven into his heart. Someone who he’d considered possibly the most trustworthy person on the island turned on everyone. While Komaeda only truly meant for himself to die, it had resulted in the deaths of two others. Two people. And Komaeda was still here when Togami and Hanamura weren’t. He still didn’t know how to feel about that, because he was glad the other boy was still around, especially after today’s events.

It was around lunchtime now, or a bit later, so Hajime stood up, feeling a wave of nausea hit him. It was a bit dumb how he’d somehow forgotten Komaeda’s illnesses, but he shook his head trying to get rid of the spinning and black dots clouding his vision, knees weak

“Are you alright, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda quickly stood up and put an arm around his shoulders, steadying him

“Mhm... Though, you really should get medicated for this, dude. And you should eat more. I feel like I’m about to pass out” Hajime groaned, straightening himself up, grateful for the arm holding him in place, Komaeda laughing

“Sorry sorry. I just don’t have much of an appetite. I’ll do my best if I get back in my body,” Komaeda smiled, “I’m sure it’s not a pleasant experience, being in a lousy, second rate body like mine.”

“It isn’t, but it’s good you get a break, I guess,” Hajime shrugged “could be worse”

They made their way to the dining hall, everyone else mulling around there. Hajime couldn’t really be bothered to decipher all of their conversations and see them as the correct person so he just nodded and waved, more tired than anything, grabbing a plate and heading off to the food, mostly ignoring the looks he got from everyone

“Just a comment, Hinata-kun, but I like saltier things. I’m not sure if it translates to you, but you might enjoy it more if it’s higher in sodium, aha” Komaeda commented idly, Hajime nodding

“Thanks”

He made sure to get a bacon and egg sandwich and grated salt on it, not sure how it would taste. Giving a quick look over to Komaeda to see if he was getting the right amount of food, he sat down sighing. Being this tired out from just walking around and talking felt unfair, but Komaeda had been dealing with this for god knows how long, so Hajime could cope with it for however long he had to as well. Hopefully not until he died, but the concept of two people dying was definitely worse.

Komaeda had been right, putting the salt on had made it taste better. Weird. So their brains had swapped, and left each other in their own mind, but they appeared to be in different bodies.

Afterwards, they tried to leave the dining hall as quickly as they could, walking off stiffly as Saionji and Kuzuryuu were arguing over something and their counterparts (who were in their bodies) desperately tried to break it up. He’d wanted to talk to Nanami and see how she’d been doing, but at the same time, she’d been paired off with Mioda, and he really didn’t feel like talking to her, as nice as she was.

Monokuma had opened a movie theatre, so Hajime felt like there wouldn’t be too much harm going there and just putting his feet up for a bit. It would distract Komaeda too, and while he didn’t dislike talking to the other boy, it was tiring, the webs and nuances of mess better known as Komaeda Nagito were difficult to both deal with and decode.

“Komaeda. There’s a theatre open on the third island, wanna go there and see a movie?” Hajime offered once they were clear of everyone else, the other boy lighting up

“Really? Of course! Any opportunity to spend time with Hinata-kun is a blessing!” He chirped, a smile instantly drawing its way across his face.

“Great. Let’s go then”

Komaeda predictably yapped on about hope the whole way there, so Hajime listened on and nodded every so often, offering a noncommittal noise when he was asked a question. He really just wanted to sit down on the plush movie theatre chairs, there wasn’t much more to it, though Komaeda’s enthusiasm was a little endearing. Or as endearing as an attempted murderer could be.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching terrible movies in the monokuma theatre. Komaeda seemed to enjoy it, at least. Halfway through the first movie, Hajime found himself nodding off. The chairs weren’t good quality, but it was what you’d expect from a movie cinema, both of them snacking on popcorn, running out of it in way too short of a time.

Hajime hadn’t realised that he’d dozed off until he woke up, head on something that wasn’t the movie seat, groaning as he sat up

“Hinata-kun are you sure this isn’t a date?” Komaeda joked, Hajime feeling eyes on him

“No.” He replied, though it was pretty hopeless “sorry for falling asleep on you”

“It’s really not a problem! Feel free to do so again! I won’t tell a soul,” Komaeda smiled again as Hajime straightened himself back up again, face burning with embarrassment. It was made worse by the knowledge that Komaeda probably had some sort of feelings for him. From what he was hinting at, anyway. Although, with someone as complex as the lucky student, having feelings for someone must have some extra layer to it. Maybe. Hajime somewhat hoped it would... it felt a little awkward knowing that the other boy might have any sort of romantic intentions...

Yet... he’d trusted Komaeda enough to have fallen asleep around him, be consistently alone with him and allow him to be so privy to his personal life. Equally so, the other teen had done the same. Mutually, they probably knew each other better than anyone else on this island. It was a weird feeling. This was different from Nanami. He liked Nanami, he was certain of that, thinking about her he wanted to spend more time with her, but with Komaeda it felt a lot more like a desire to be near him, something he’d originally baked down to be basic curiosity, had bloomed into something a lot more complicated and a lot more dangerous.

The thing was, that he wanted to trust Komaeda, he wanted to forgive him for the first trial, wanted to understand and wanted to be his friend. More than almost anything else on this damned island, apparently. Hajime felt himself groan in frustration. He was fucked if he kept thinking like this about someone as volatile as Komaeda was, but he honest to god couldn’t help it. His brain kept screaming at him “Komaeda! Komaeda! Komaeda!” On repeat. He’d been trying to shut it all out and paint it under the guise of needing to protect everyone else by spending time with him. Under a guise of needing to understand him due to that if he didn’t someone would die.

The Komaeda he was with now, and the Komaeda he’d been spending time with for the past few days had not given a single murderous remark. He’d gotten dangerously close a few times, but Hajime didn’t feel like he was in any danger. Maybe it was because the other was in his body? Even so, they were only a few inches from each other and it was painfully obvious that there was some sort of mutual trust and something resembling appreciation. The only way Hajime could describe their current relationship would be ‘complicated.’

Which was just like everything else about Komaeda, apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in 2 days! This is my last update until after then! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for the kind words and comments, you guys rock :)
> 
> I really do hope you're having a wonderful holidays. I love you guys!! /p


	4. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once they reached Hajime’s cabin, Komaeda made no sign of trying to leave. It took Hajime a few seconds to realize that he’d established quite firmly that they’d be staying together at all times. Just about now he was starting to gather the implications of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is having a lovely holidays!
> 
> I loved writing this chapter...
> 
> cw: panic attacks and ptsd

Once the pair got to the diner, they were both greeted with an onslaught of noise. Everyone was still arguing, either with their body-swap partner or with someone else, making the whole area really loud. Komaeda didn’t look like he was enjoying himself at all, covering his ears with his hands, looking blankly at his meal.

“Hey? Do you want your jacket back?” Hajime asked, tapping the other boy on the shoulder, who flinched.

“Mm. Sorry. I’m not the fondest of loud noise. I’d hate to make you do anything for me” Komaeda mumbled half-heartedly, uncovering his ears and playing with his hair. (Or Hajime’s hair? Admittedly Hajime’s hair wasn’t that soft, but he’d washed it the night before, so it should’ve been clean.)

Hajime sighed, “Do you want it, or not?”

“No... I’ll be alright. But thank you for even considering me in the first place, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda bobbed his head “Though if we could leave soon that would be good... everyone is a bit raucous tonight, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. No one is happy with each other at the moment. Especially those four” Hajime gestured to Souda, Kuzuryuu, Saionji and Tsumiki, all of which were still scuffling about something, causing the louder students to come in and rebuttal them, Mioda chiming in enthusiastically and saying something completely irrelevant, looking out of place in Nanami’s body.

The thing was, a lot of their personalities had some sort of correlation to their appearance. Hajime was a pretty run of the mill guy so he sort of looked like that too, the plain brown hair and average height. Komaeda matched his looks too, tall and spindly, wild hair and skittish eyes matching up to his equally confusing and convoluted personality. Komaeda looked like an interesting person, and was an interesting person. This went the same with everyone else on the island, minus Kuzuryuu, Hajime supposed. Nanami was kind and sleepy, her appearance reflecting that too, being smaller and softer, and that was just how it was, until now. The only person he could only look at for really being themselves, at least at the moment, was Komaeda. He’d gotten somewhat used to seeing the other boy’s expressions on what used to be his face. It felt awkward for everyone else. Even though Hajime was in Komaeda’s body, he still got wary looks, as if he could do anything.

They both left the dining hall as promptly as they could, Hajime still feeling nauseated and sick, even after eating, but he could stand fine this time, so they walked shoulder to shoulder out into the cooling evening air

“Hinata-kun, have you changed your mind yet?” Komaeda inquired, eyebrows raised

“About?”

“Killing me, of course! Or having me kill myself, so there’s no chance of you being the blackened... either way, I’m still happy to!”

Hajime felt himself recoil “What the hell? No!? I said I won’t let anything bad happen to either of us, and death fits under that!” He raved, feeling his anger spike “Did you even have a good time earlier? Or was it just you scheming? God, Komaeda... just. Stop with all of this. Please”

Komaeda frowned “I enjoyed our time together, of course! Any opportunity for scum like me to even breathe the same air as a talented person such as you is a true blessing!” He put a pensive finger on his chin “If you truly don’t want me to kill myself in the name of your hope, I won’t. I’ll stop, if that is what you desire. I said I’d do anything for you, and annoyingly I suppose your request is included in that, isn’t it?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Hajime nodded slightly “I’m glad you enjoyed spending time with me though. I enjoyed it too- you’re not bad company when you’re not begging me to kill you.”

“Aha... sorry. I’ll try to do less of that.” Komaeda apologised, scratching the back of his neck

Once they reached Hajime’s cabin, Komaeda made no sign of trying to leave. It took Hajime a few seconds to realise that he’d established quite firmly that they’d be staying together at all times. Just about now he was starting to gather the implications of that. Everyone else would have to be doing this too, right? Not just them.

Even so, he wasn’t expecting the first person he was sharing a bed with would be a guy, let alone someone like Komaeda Nagito. This was just to make sure nothing happens. There was no other implication unless Hajime allowed it to be, and he wasn’t allowing it. So it was fine, right?

“If you’re uncomfortable sleeping with me, Hinata-kun, you can just say so, there’s a perfectly good floor I can sleep on.” Komaeda said nonchalantly, as if he’d been able to read Hajime’s thoughts “Though, you have already essentially slept with me today, it’s your choice”

_ Dammit Komaeda!! _ Hajime had to suppress a groan.

“I don’t care. Do what you want. We should get changed into our nightclothes” Hajime shrugged, though he could feel his ears going hot. It really weird to know that both of them had already essentially seen each other naked. Hajime was just grateful Komaeda hadn’t made any comments on it. At least it meant they didn’t have to change in different rooms

Hajime just put on one of his own nightshirts, throwing Komaeda the spare one. The other boy unbuttoned his shirt, but he got stuck, freezing and looking pleadingly over at the other.

“... um.” Komaeda said quietly “how do I get this off?”

‘This’ meaning Hajime’s binder, which he’d somehow forgotten about. He couldn’t leave Komaeda with it on because if the boy slept in it he’d wake up with a plethora of issues but at the same time he really didn’t want to have to put himself through that humiliation. He shoved the hot shame down and sighed

“Right.” Hajime groaned, “Like a normal shirt, but I’ll tug off from the back and you tug off from the front, okay?”

It would have taken him less than a few seconds to get it off if he was in his own body, but Komaeda hadn’t ever dealt with this kind of stuff before, so it was a lot more awkward and clunky. The only bonus of being in Komaeda’s body was definitely the fact it was male, so it was nice at least to be able to take his shirt off and feel nothing extra there. For once, anyway.

“I’m sorry Hinata-kun.” Komaeda muttered once they’d gotten it off and the lucky student had slid on his nightshirt. Was that  _ embarrassment  _ on Komaeda’s face?

“I don’t mind.” Hajime shrugged, slipping under the covers and shimmied to the furthest point of the bed, leaving plenty of room for the other boy “This whole situation is weird and uncomfortable anyway, it doesn’t change anything.”

“Ah. Okay. I’m sorry that you had to be swapped with me.” Komaeda replied “you really got the weakest, most useless of them all as your partner, huh?” A bitter laugh followed that

“Could’ve been worse-“ (Not wrong but a bit of an understatement. Hajime couldn’t have gotten a better partner in his opinion. He could handle Komaeda and the other teen had no problem with him) “-it’s not like my body isn’t weird either. Now go to sleep. I’m tired.” Hajime grumbled as the luckster hesitantly slipping into bed next to the other and curling into himself

“Alright.” Komaeda said softly in return

“Goodnight Komaeda. I’ll know if you do anything so stay here.”

“Haha... always wary! As if I would pass up an opportunity to sleep next to Hinata-kun! Goodnight!” Komaeda chucked, his back to Hajime as he flicked off the bedside lamp, leaving the two of them in darkness. Hajime was glad he had, because otherwise the other boy would have definitely seen the reddening of his face.

Surprisingly, Hajime fell asleep quickly that night. There was truth to Komaeda’s words when he said he wouldn’t leave, so Hajime trusted his gut instinct that told him that right now he was in the clear. It wasn’t too bad sharing a bed with someone after all, the mutual warmth that they both gave off setting Hajime into a deep sleep. He hoped that Komaeda was alright too, hoped that he found a similar kind of comfort in it. Hajime just never knew when it came to the lucky student, but he wanted the other to be okay regardless, for whatever reason.

His peaceful sleep was interrupted by movement next to him, Hajime cracking his eyes open as he heard laboured breathing and small whimpers. Panic instantly flared through him, and he switched on the light to see Komaeda hunched over himself hyperventilating, hugging his knees to his chest, tears streaming down his face. He was shaking too. Whatever Hajime had been expecting to see, it hadn’t been this at all.

“... Komaeda?” Hajime asked softly, scared to touch him in fear of making it worse, the other boy mumbling under his breath, sounding similar to ‘go back to bed’. It seemed as though he wasn’t fully there, eyes taking on a glassy appearance as they opened.

“I’m going to touch you... is that alright?” Hajime felt himself saying. This is what happened to people with things like post traumatic stress disorder. He knew that much. Hajime felt his heart clench as Komaeda nodded his head slightly. Seeing someone that he’d originally thought to be the most volatile person on this island in such a vulnerable state, Hajime realised that Komaeda wasn’t inherently dangerous. He was broken. He’d done bad things from a broken view of doing it for a good cause. He’d begged Hajime to let him die from that fractured idea of hope, as it was the only thing that kept him from spiralling down into how he was now.

Hajime placed a hand on the other’s back, rubbing circles, using the other to put the boy into a half-embrace. He didn’t care how it would be seen- right now, it was only them, and Komaeda seemed in legitimate distress

“I’m not going to hurt you, okay? You’re safe right now” He muttered. The other had stopped hyperventilating now, the shaking still there, Hajime hearing a hiccuping sob once every few seconds

“I’m sorry.” Komaeda choked out a moment later, seeing like he wanted to continue but not being able to speak more than those two words

“Hey... no... don’t be sorry, alright? You didn’t mean for this to happen to you, none of this” Hajime shook his head.

“Mm..” Komaeda wrapped his arms around Hajime, pulling them into a full embrace, unfolding his legs slightly. His shaking wasn’t as bad, which was something, at least. Hajime’s hand that had originally been rubbing circles went and started petting his hair. He ignored the discomfort of feeling his own body pressed against him. He wasn’t in it though, and Komaeda wasn’t bothered by him being like this. Besides, the other boy seemed to need him, and Hajime wasn’t going to let his own feelings get in the way of that right now. It wasn’t too bad anyway, weirdly enough.

“If you want to talk to me about it, I’m here. Does this happen often?” Hajime asked, Komaeda taking a shaky breath in, fingers brushing softly over Hajime’s back, as if to ground himself

“Sort of. Please don’t worry about scum like me. Please.” The other boy muttered, the self loathing ever present in his voice.

“Okay. I won’t worry, but if you need to talk to me, as I said, I’m more than happy to stay awake”

There was a few moments of silence, neither of them letting go of their strange embrace when Komaeda replied, voice husky

“I watched my parents die.”

“Oh.” Hajime replied uselessly “...I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it. No one deserves that.”

“Perhaps. Thank you for listening, I’m sorry that you have to put up with me” Komaeda sighed

“It’s okay. You good to go back to sleep?”

“Mhm...Ah... this is a selfish request, and I know I’ve made far too many of those, so feel free to make me sleep on the floor, but could we stay like this? Or any kind of touch, I don’t mind. I just— Ah never mind. Don’t listen to me!” Komaeda laughed loosely, his voice wobbling and cracking on every few words. Hajime felt himself frown. They’d already been hugging like this for a while, it wouldn’t do anything if he remained like this. Also, Komaeda’s body got cold so easily, so the extra warmth wouldn’t hurt, and it would guarantee that the other boy wouldn’t try to leave. It was a bit weird though, cuddling up to the island’s established antagonist, but yet again, this situation was just so strange that this surely didn’t really count towards anything.

“Uh... sure...” Hajime half pulled them under the covers, turning them over and spooning Komaeda, who’d frozen up slightly, eventually relaxing into his touch. Even though Komaeda’s body was thin (too thin.) he was lanky, so his arms easily reached across Komaeda (who was still awkwardly occupying Hajime’s body).

His last thought before he fell asleep was ‘ _ is this really okay?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Hajime and Nagito
> 
> New years soon! :)


	5. Argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime wakes up and realizes that he very much did just cuddle with an attempted murderer... and weirdly enough, it didn't feel so bad...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was Hajime's birthday yesterday... my favorite boy! I will not write an essay on him but he is so special to me so I am indeed posting another chapter of this story (yay)
> 
> Also turns out I had 7 chapters instead of six... Whoops. I can't believe i can't even count my chapters right, aha

Hajime woke up to the Monokuma announcement. Nothing looked as though it had been moved, and Komaeda was waking up next to him, squinting and blinking slowly, eyes trying to adjust to the morning light, still in their embrace from earlier. That had happened. Instantly, Hajime felt his face heat a bit

“Ah... good morning, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda shuffled himself out of Hajime’s arms, turning around to face him “Apologies for what happened last night. I’ll be quieter next time.”

“As I said, I don’t mind. It’s not your fault that you get nightmares,” Hajime gave him a smile, hopefully to reassure him. He felt better than he had when he’d originally woken up in the white-haired boy’s body, so he took that as a win. Hajime was beginning to suspect that these nightmares were way worse and occurred more often than Komaeda was letting on, especially if he was willing to ask Hajime to hold him like that. He hated to think what the other teen saw.

They both slowly got out of bed, Hajime pulling on his jeans, running his thumb over the small scars on his thighs and arms, sighing. They were just a part of Komaeda, nothing else. The unease was lessened from knowing it hadn’t happened for a long time and that it hopefully wouldn’t happen ever again.

They both decided they simply just didn’t want to deal with the arguing and bickering, so they went straight for the dining table, putting food on paper plates and trying to hurry out the best they could. Though, Hajime guessed their luck had run out, when Souda called out

“Hey hey! Three cheers to Hinata-kun for having the scariest body swap partner here!” The boy called (from Kuzuryuu’s body)

“Yeah! Good on you Hinata! Surprised neither of you is dead yet. I’d rather still be stuck with this whiny bitch than the hope fucker- I dunno how you manage it” Kuzuryuu marvelled

“Hey! I’m not whiny! I’m just sensitive” Souda complained “You know, all the ladies love a man who wears his emotions on his sleeves!”

“Whatever.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes, not bothered to argue back “How’ve you been Hinata?”

“All good. Komaeda isn’t too bad, so we’ve actually been having a pretty good time” Hajime shrugged.

“Not too bad? You sure it’s the same dude?” Souda pried

“I’m quite certain I’m myself, Souda-kun! I agree, though, I don’t know why I’m considered satisfactory when I’m responsible for so much despair, don’t you think?” Komaeda piped up

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve been nice to me and I’ve had a fairly enjoyable time. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for that stuff.” Hajime told the other boy, facing the other two and getting a bit closer, lowering his voice so that the other people in the dining room couldn’t hear “anyway, what was going on between Saonji and Tsumiki?”

“Hm.. I was wondering that too— you really were digging into Saionji-san last night and at lunch. Did something happen?” Komaeda inquired

“Not my business. Tsumiki came in crying ‘n shit and I knew Saionji had done something to her- didn’t know what, don’t really care. Same with dinner. Fucking annoying as hell. That bear bastard hand picked those two for sure.” Kuzuryuu scoffed, Souda nodding

“Yeah. I take it back about you, Komaeda. Tsumiki-san has it worst, as creepy as you are, at least you’re not a complete asshole to Hinata-kun... Saionji-san though... poor Tsumiki-san! A girl doesn’t deserve to be treated like that at all” Souda shook his head mournfully

“Haha... I’ll take that as a compliment. I know I’m a disgusting stain of a human being, but I’m glad at least you think I’m not the most terrible in this situation... aha.”

“Yeah. You are by far the most dangerous dude on this island, but you’re not a bully.” Souda nodded “I don’t like you, but Tsumiki-san’s got it worse than Hinata-kun, hands down”

“As I said, I’ve been having a pretty good time with Komaeda, so I definitely don’t have it the worst. We’ll be going now, so see ya.” Hajime waved, Komaeda mimicking him, a big smile on his face. Souda detested him, so it must have made him happy for him to know that he wasn’t the worst person to be around. If Hajime wanted to be honest with himself, he’d enjoyed his time spent with Komaeda more than most of the time on the island, especially knowing that he wasn’t going to pull some big stunt. Besides hanging out with Nanami, this was probably the best it was going to get. Komaeda was surprisingly tolerable if given the chance. Not a lot of people seemed to ever give him a chance, which, in all honesty, fair enough- he’d pulled a lot of shit- but in this situation, Hajime didn’t have much of a choice.

“Where are we off to today, Hinata-kun! Ah... but first, about what Souda-kun said, I just want to apologise again for taking so much of your time up. He’s right, you know? I’m barely worth to even look at someone like you, let alone have you devote so many of your hours to be in my presence. I’m truly so sorry that you have to put up with my pathetic nonsense, especially after last night.”

“Which wasn’t your fault. And nor is any of the rest of this. So it doesn’t matter, alright?” Hajime shoved his hands in the pockets of the green jacket, walking off towards the main island, Komaeda bouncing off with him

“If you insist, Hinata-kun! Thank you, nonetheless, I’m well aware that I’m hard to be around!” Komaeda chirped

“You’re not as bad as you make yourself out to be, honestly. You’re fine.” Hajime shrugged

“Haha... I truly don’t deserve the praise. You’re truly an ultimate, huh? Your hope is just so wonderful that it can afford spreading itself to a repulsive bug such as myself” the other boy said, a little smile on his face

Hajime just sighed. Komaeda wasn’t repulsive, nor a bug, but there didn’t really seem to be much he could do in the ways of that. It just seemed that he’d always be that way, and Hajime would just have to accept his self-deprecating comments as a part of him. He’d say something about it when it next came up, even if he didn’t really know why it even mattered to Hajime in the first place.

The day was turning out to be pretty hot, so Hajime sat down under the largest tree he could find, propping his back up against its trunk, sighing, Komaeda hesitantly sitting down next to him

“Your body is strange, Hinata-kun. I feel liberated, in a way, being here, but I can’t read any of your bodily signs at all... I can’t tell when I’m hungry or tired or anything. Things taste weird to me, I’m suddenly a lot stronger and I feel lighter, even though you weigh more than I do. It’s very weird” The lucky student mused “Oh! But please don’t take it as any offence, it’s simply observation”

“I don’t take it as an offence, don’t worry. Honestly, I’d never thought I’d say this, as I’m not the biggest fan of my own body, but I do miss being in it.”

“Mhm. I miss my hair. Yours is lovely, but it just doesn’t feel the same” Komaeda muttered, running his hand through the short spiky hair

“I mean, you’re right. Your hair is something else”

“Haha... I’ll take that as a compliment. My one redeeming feature” Komaeda laughed, patting Hajime on the head, ruffling the fluffy mess of white hair

“Sorta. You have other nice bits, I guess” Hajime shrugged

“Oh? How daring, Hinata-kun! Is this your way of flirting with me?” The other gushed, though his expression instantly fell, “though, that was a joke, you shouldn’t lower yourself to someone like me, not when someone as hopeful and talented as Nanami-san is here instead.”

“Tch.” Hajime wasn’t bothered to reply to something like that. He wasn’t trying to flirt, more as trying desperately to give Komaeda some kind of self confidence boost, but it backfired, as anything Komaeda related seemed to do. He wouldn’t be lowering himself at all talking to the other boy. Maybe he was lowering his standards, but they were still equals, right?

“Ah, I ruined the mood. My apologies, I just cause problem after problem” The luckster sighed

“It’s just a pain in the ass. I want to have a normal conversation with you, Komaeda, it’s just hard when you seem to consistently resist it with how ‘terrible’ and ‘bad’ you are.” Hajime bit out

“Truly a shame that you see me as something more than I am, Hinata-kun. You saw what I did in the first trial. I’m not a good person. It’s nice you have that hope, but it’s misplaced, especially in someone like me” Komaeda smiled up at him, Hajime feeling his fists clench

“Shut up.”

“You know I’m right. Everyone else hates me for a good reason” Komaeda’s smile widened, Hajime hating how it pulled on what should be his face

“I said shut up. I don’t hate you and I don’t think you’re a bad person- you’ve done bad shit, but that doesn’t mean you’re instantly bad.” Hajime hissed “We gave Kuzuryuu a second chance, you should get one too.”

“How generous! Should I also commit seppuku to prove my undying regret too? To spill my blood on the floor?” Komaeda drew his shirt up, exposing his stomach, using his finger to draw a little line across it “it would be so easy, it’d be just like that, but with a scalpel, slowly leeching the blood out of my insides, like some morbid wine. Then would everyone forgive me?”

Hajime didn’t reply and watched in horror as Komaeda started laughing, the cackles sounding so wrong coming out of what was supposed to be his body.

“Who am I kidding. I’m not worthy of forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. Not even you, the great Hinata-kun, has it in his heart to forgive me. It’s like I’m rotting, you know? I feel like I’m rotting! Hahaha! You’re being so kind to me, and it hurts! It hurts that you treat me like a friend yet don’t forgive me. It physically pains me that you know how I feel about you but you refuse to acknowledge it. Yet you don’t treat me differently for it either. It hurts to know you’re just like that, that I can yell at you and you listen to my useless garble, that you’d still put up with my utter mockery of a talent. I can do that and you tell me that it’s okay. That I’m somehow worthy of even breathing the same air as you. And for what gain?” He dissolved into laughter again, those desperate cackles ringing out disturbingly, calming down after a few seconds “for what gain?” He repeated quietly

“I don’t know.” Hajime replied, his voice huskier than normal, looking down on the despairing boy, a strange feeling of hot shame overcoming him, his face heating up. He hadn’t acknowledged Komaeda’s feelings- he didn’t know if he was able to- but it was obviously eating the other boy up. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?  _ Sorry _ ? Hinata-kun! You’ve done nothing wrong! That’s why this whole thing feels so terrible. You’re treating me too well. You’re too kind to me, too lenient, too patient. You don’t have anything to get from this. Nothing.” Komaeda laughed again “yet here you are!”

Hajime didn’t know how to respond. Komaeda was clearly in a foggy state of mind, dipping back and forward through sanity and insanity, voice taking on an almost manic quality to it. Hajime hated the pang in his chest, Komaeda’s uncomfortably honest way of talking was distressing. He felt sick, all of the other boy’s words unclear and muddled in his mind

“Sorry that you had to listen to me. I’ll go. I just need some time alone. I’m not going to do anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Komaeda stood up, bowed slightly, and left. Hajime didn’t make any move to stop him, knowing it would just result in more arguing. He just sat there in shocked silence instead, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

It didn’t take long until a surge of regret washed over him. He’d just let him go. He’d made such a mistake! They’d agreed that they wouldn’t do anything apart, and look at what he’d just done! He’d just allowed Komaeda to straight up go! Hajime was sure that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid without any prompting , but that wasn’t much reassurance, seeing there was a huge number of other people on the island who very much could, the panic flaring in him. Oh god. He needed to find Komaeda and set things straight before anything happened to him, because he did not trust anyone on this island to not be capable, especially after what had happened in the first trial.

He needed to find him. More than anything else right now. He had no idea where the other boy had gone, more stuck in his upset daze than anything. God he was an idiot! Hajime stood up, groaning from the effort as he felt a wave of nausea pass over him. Trying to find this guy quickly didn’t seem like something like he was going to be able to do, with the state Komaeda’s body was in, but he was going to give it a red hot go, marching off to the first island, dread making his heart pound. He was going to do his best to avoid anyone so he wouldn’t have any kind of yelling match.

First island didn’t take too long to search, going to their cabins and checking both of them, then going to the main pool area, walking around the perimeter, methodically checking each location and trying to see the other boy, not having any luck, panting by the time he reached the main dining area, no Komaeda there either. God  _ damnit!  _ He was so stupid for not being upfront with him or begging him to stay back. He’d seen a couple of the others, but he’d evaded them.

Though, the worst came when he was walking to the second island, feet burning, that high pitched voice played from his monitor, the classic ding dong noise accompanied by the picture of a bear, cackling away. Hajime could only look on in horror as Monokuma chanted his signature little tune

“A body has been discovered! Everyone gather at the music venue! Upupupu! How despairing!”

Hajime felt himself gag. Komaeda had either done something or had something done to him, there was no other option. There was a sick feeling slowly crawling up Hajime’s throat as he felt his feet moving to the music venue, not really taking anything in, his hands brushing through what was supposed to be Komaeda’s hair, the unruly white locks still soft to touch.

Reaching the music venue, he ignored the angry comments from the others walking through and seeing him without Komaeda, shoving past. Someone had just died, one of his classmates, the people who he’d come to appreciate. And someone had killed them.

Hajime was not feeling well as he walked into the music venue, blood on the floor. The dread curdled in his stomach when he opened the door, looking onto what would be the fifth person dead in this fucked up game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine putting a bunch of irrational, traumatized and exhausted teenagers onto an island and thats why you get the constant fights over everything. Its just highschool but worse.
> 
> Anyway, happy new year! 2021 will hopefully be better than the trainwreck that 2020 was! (hopefully)
> 
> Best of luck!


	6. Class Trial! Go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hinata-kun?” 
> 
> Hajime didn’t know if he should slap Komaeda or pull him into a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Descriptions of dead bodies, meltdown uhh, Hiyoko slander (I am hiyokophobic. Sorry to all people who like her)
> 
> Hi I died for a bit but I am indeed back hello hello 😌👍

Saionji Hiyoko had been laid out in front of his eyes, blood pooling everywhere. 

Staring out onto the dead Ultimate Traditional Dancer, knees weak, Hajime felt sick. His head was fogging up and he wanted to pass out. Hajime just left, closing the door behind him and panting

Almost instantly however, he was snapped out of his spell

“Hinata-kun?” Unmistakably his voice. Hajime nearly sobbed right then and there, extremely tempted to both slap Komaeda and tackle him into a hug. 

“Yeah?” He rasped

“You’re alright? I was so worried, you know?” Komaeda’s eyebrows were knitted together with concern

“So was I, asshole! You just ran off! You could have died!” Hajime exclaimed, punching Komaeda on the shoulder lightly

“Sorry, sorry! I went back to find you but you weren’t there... though, that was my fault.” Komaeda sighed

“Whatever. We can talk about this later. It’s Saionji, right?”

“Yeah.” Komaeda looked in the music venue darkly “come on, I’ll show you”

He opened the door, leading to a gruesome scene, where Saonji had been strapped up using belts to a weird setup, her eyes half closed. Her throat had been slit, blood dripping onto the floor, forming a grotesque puddle on the boards. Hajime felt sick.

“This wasn’t me, Hinata-kun. I only discovered the body, I don’t know who did it.” Komaeda said, his voice lacking in emotion “I’ll help you investigate though. Our most likely suspect is Tsumiki-san, so talk to her”

“Tsumiki? I don’t think she has it in her, honestly” Hajime mused

“Did you think I had it in me?” Komaeda smiled a little, angling his stare over to Hajime

“Good point. But I still feel like it would be too obvious.”

“Maybe... we should try and eliminate the suspect first.” Komaeda rebutted, a pensive finger on his chin

They spoke back and forward, talking about red herrings and whatnot, Komaeda helping take down the body and then guiding Hajime through what he proposed had happened, giving his thoughts and insights and allowing the other to help. The sick feeling was going away, Komaeda’s presence calming him down a little. He fully believed it when Komaeda said he hadn’t done it. This seemed far less well orchestrated than something that the luckster would have pulled off, and he seemed genuinely disturbed, in his own way, and if he’d found the body, there was no way he could’ve done it.

They talked to Tsumiki, who’d provided something of an alibi, saying that Saoinji no longer wanted to even tolerate someone like her and just left, which a few other people in the dining hall could attribute to, saying they had seen Tsumiki there alone at some point or another. There wasn’t anything good on Saionji’s body- no evidence that they could use, past knowing it had been a knife of some sort. So they went and asked around a bit more, seeing if anyone had found the murder weapon, eventually finding a small bloody scalpel tucked under a floorboard.

“Ah, Hinata-kun, I feel like this is important to add. In the trial we’re going to need to say that we weren’t together, which is going to make both of us suspects.” Komaeda said, looking over the knife

“Right. I don’t have a good alibi- I was looking for you and trying to avoid everyone else” Hajime grimaced “you don’t think I did it, right?”

“Mm. We’re all suspects... but no, I really don’t. You don’t have a motive and I trust your word enough to be certain that you didn’t.” The lucky student took a breath “And besides, even if you had done it, it would be the perfect despair! Everyone would be able to come together and create such an incredible unifying hope from it! Though... you seem above such methods.”

“Alright... thanks” Hajime sighed in relief, giving Komaeda a little smile, knowing what he meant. The hope/despair spiel would just have to be an unfortunate additive to it. For some reason, the other looked shocked at being thanked. No one else tolerated the way he spoke... that was right. After spending such a consecutive block of time with the other boy he was beginning to look past it and see true meaning in his words. They’d reached some level of understanding, and almost completely unintentionally. Maybe they’d needed that argument, so it was now a two sided thing, Hajime understood now that Komaeda really seemed to feel things just as much as he did.

For some reason that led to a spark of something in his chest. He had to ignore it, for now. He had a trial to attend and a murderer to catch. It quickly soured the mood.

The two fairly quickly finished up the rest of their investigation, just as they’d finished talking to Kuzuryuu, the class trial bell sounded, all of them gathering at the main island and all getting put in the elevator. It felt wrong seeing someone in Saionji’s body, knowing she was dead, Tsumiki cowering behind those large blonde pigtails, holding the hair up to her face. Hajime hoped she was okay, though he doubted that any of them were really alright right now, everyone seeming pale and shell shocked.

As fair as trials went, the second they got in there it got messy, not taking long before the conversation turned on the two boys, Hajime and Komaeda grimacing at each other

“Oi Hinata. I saw you alone. Where the hell was Komaeda?” Kuzuryuu gave Hajime a glare

“I was looking for him. We had an argument, Komaeda walked off. I didn’t kill Saionji and nor did Komaeda” Hajime answered bluntly

“You say that like Komaeda is just some normal fucking guy. He’s insane, give him a chance and he’d go out and try and pull off the same shit that he did in the first trial.” Kuzuryuu spat, a few people agreeing with him

“Ah, as much as I’d rather take that bullet, Hinata-kun kept a remarkably tight leash on me! I discovered the body, so I’m ruled out as the suspect! Sorry to disappoint!” Komaeda spread his arms out, eyes swirling slightly

“What about H-Hinata-kun? If he w-wasn’t with Komaeda-kun th-then there’s a chance he could have d-done it, right?” Tsumiki stuttered “aah!! I don’t want to accuse him or anything, please don’t think that!! I’m sorryyyy”

Everyone muttered about how it was okay, a few others looking over to Hajime for answers

“Look, I don’t really have a good alibi. I was looking for Komaeda and was on the first island the entire time- I was making my way over to the second island when the body announcement played. Sorry that I can’t give you more than my word.” Hajime sighed. He didn’t want to get accused of something he didn’t do

“Gotta say Hinata-kun, but that doesn’t make you look all that good” Souda commented nervously, a grimace coming from the other boy “Seriously man... you need to give us more than that.”

“I can’t, unless anyone saw me.” Hajime said, voice dull.

“I don’t think Hinata-kun did it” Komaeda commented airily “there was no motive. I was searching the third island for him and I didn’t find him either, so I’m fairly sure his testimony holds out.”

Everyone looked at Komaeda, who laughed softly “ah... really though, I’m not worth listening to. I do think it would be worthwhile looking into other potential suspects too, however.” Another chuckle “feel free to ignore me though, I don’t mind.”

“You said you didn’t see Hinata-kun right? Did ya see anyone else?” Owari commented “I mean, me and Coach Nidai were sparring on the third island and I didn’t see anyone other than gamer girl and colourful hair.”

“Hey hey! My name is Ibuki Mi-o-da! Remember it! And Chiaki-chan too!” Mioda added

“Yeah yeah. I can’t be bothered to relearn names.” Owari dismissed

“I saw Kuzuryuu-kun and Souda-kun. That’s all.” Komaeda shrugged

This kind of banter went on for a while, Hajime mostly just spacing it out. He was in the clear for now. The fear of being falsely accused hung in his gut, running a hand through the fluffy hair. If they got this trial over and done with and got the right person he’d go back to being in his own body.

They’d ended up having Kuzuryuu and Souda as suspects, because they’d been having an argument with Saoinji before she died, though Hajime couldn’t feel like they were missing something. Kuzuryuu didn’t seem like a murderer, nor would he throw away his chance given to him by Pekoyama. He’d been in love with her, he would have wanted to honour her death. And killing someone didn’t really seem like honouring someone. Souda... he just seemed like he wouldn’t have the backbone to do so. Though... yet again. He hadn’t thought Komaeda capable, or Hanamura, or even Pekoyama. And here they were. At least Komaeda was still here, unlike the other two.

It was unsettling. It made Hajime feel sick knowing that they needed to essentially condemn someone so they could all live. That fact felt the worst. That and the knowledge that any classmate could turn and kill someone. Even the ones he cared about. This only really became something at the complete forefront of his mind when he was in the nightmarish class trials, the looming threat of dying being held over all of their heads. Hajime didn’t want to die, he wanted everyone who was still alive to make it out with him. But someone had just died, so that wasn’t possible, was it?

Their discussion turned to the murderer weapon. The scalpel. No one knew where it came from- though they were considering it had come from the hospital, seeing that it was close by to the murder.

Komaeda seemed to be thinking about something, not speaking for a while. Then, a smile spreading across his face,

“Now, who here would have an intimate knowledge of a hospital?”

Everyone looked at the luckster, who seemed very pleased to have the attention turned on him

“What are you implying?” Kuzuryuu snarled “I was asleep half the time I was there. I didn’t fucking kill Saionji. Fuck no.”

“No, no. Kuzuryuu-kun, I apologise that you’ve taken my comment in the wrong context. Which student here has a general knowledge of hospitals? Anyone?”

Hajime knew who he was talking about before that extra comment, but he knew it was to egg the words out of him

“Tsumiki, right?” He said, “she’s the Ultimate Nurse.”

“Wonderful! Good job, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda praised, his smile wide as ever. It was very disconcerting, but Hajime doubted that the other was at all enjoying any of this.

“Yeah? Tsumiki-san was in the dining hall when the body discovery announcement went off. No way she could have done it”

“T-thank you Souda-kun... ahh. I’m so sorry that you have to defend an ugly pig like meee...” Tsumiki stuttered, bunching those blonde curls around her face and took a shuddering breath “We all v-visited Kuzuryuu-kun when he was unwell... u-um. Anyone could have looked around... right? I’m so sorry if I’m wrong! So sorry... I know I’m useless” Tsumiki wailed, going quiet

“No... you have a point, Tsumiki-san!” Komaeda said politely, giving up his pursuit for now, crossing his arms and giving her a small smile

The banter kept going. Back and forward. The conversation went back to Hajime as a suspect, then to Kuzuryuu, which Souda vehemently defended the gangster’s innocence. They’d also gotten closer- it was pretty obvious, especially with how Kuzuryuu laid off with the insults. Definitely two people Hajime had never predicted to be friends, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Monokuma commented on how lovely his murder pairs were and how proud he was of the teenagers, all of which ignored him, Monomi whimpering pathetically as she hung from the ceiling.

They’d been left with Hajime as the only suspect. And Tsumiki.

“Nanami-san. You’ve been awfully quiet! Who do you think committed this crime?” Nidai pointed at Nanami, who looked tired. Mioda’s original hair-horn things had fallen out and the styling was gone, so she looked pretty disheveled.

“Hm... Hinata-kun was telling the truth, I think. But... I think Tsumiki-san was too. Or... at least... she wasn’t lying. Maybe...” Nanami said, in her usual vague tone, yawning.

“Ibuki believes Chiaki-chan!! She wants to believe Mikan-chan too! And Hajime-kun! Gosh! There’s so many names to remember. So many people to trust!” Mioda said dramatically, eyes wide. She’d put her hair up into pigtails, so they bounced whenever she spoke.

“Mhm... I like to trust my classmates too.” Nanami gave a thumbs up, clearly not all that interested in engaging in further conversation.

“Did anyone find any more information? Does anyone know how long Saionji-san had been tied up like that?” Sonia asked

“Yes! Hinata-kun and I investigated the body. I’d say over an hour. We had our little spat just over half an hour beforehand, eliminating him from this equation, correct?”

“N-no... you h-have that wrong.” Tsumiki stammered “The b-body was less than an hour old.”

“I don’t recall you checking the body, Tsumiki-san. Perhaps my memory isn’t serving me as well as it should. Hinata-kun? Do you remember seeing Tsumiki-san at the crime scene?” Komaeda angled his head to the side

“It would be a fool's move to use one of our potential suspects as evidence, snow demon. Be wary.” The booming voice of Tanaka sounded, not at all mellowed by the softer tones of what would normally be Sonia’s voice, the lucky student laughing softly in return

“Ah! My apologies, Tanaka-kun.”

“And you’re trying to accuse Tsumiki-san too. I dunno, seems like a low blow. She couldn’t hurt a fly” Owari sniffed

“Though, you’re right, Komaeda. I didn’t see Tsumiki-san check the body either.” Sonia affirmed

“I-I! I did though! Please believe me! You b-believed H-Hinata-kun when he said he didn’t do it!”

“We’re not saying you did it. And I don’t think I’m cleared yet either. We just need to work through the evidence, okay?” Hajime said, his head aching, rubbing his temples. He was scared. He knew that Tsumiki hadn’t checked the body, so he knew she’d been lying.

Hajime didn’t like what that implied. Komaeda was right when he said that you’d never expect certain people to be capable. Komaeda knew she was lying too. They just had to convince the whole class that Hajime hadn’t done it.

The luckster was the only one who could stop them from dying.

All of the group kept dancing around Tsumiki. It wasn’t noticeable without knowing what Hajime knew now, but the Ultimate Nurse was trying desperately to turn the conversation back to Hajime, who managed to get it off his back pretty quickly with Komaeda’s help.

Cracks were starting to form in Tsumiki’s form, and it killed Hajime to see it. He wanted for her to remain this sweet and timid girl, not what she was slowly revealing to have boiled and bubbled underneath.

“Tsumiki, I’d like to request to know why you lied about the body’s age.” Sonia said diplomatically

“I d-didn’t! You’d t-take Komaeda-kun’s word over mine?”

“I didn’t see you check the body, and I was there also with Tanaka, who can testify to that”

“The dark queen is correct.” Tanaka said

“S-stop ganging up on me!! I-I didn’t do anything! Please! B-believe me!” Tsumiki begged

“You’re avoiding the question.” Komaeda commented, the smile gone, eyes cold.

“You’re b-being a bully! You k-know? All of these b-baseless accusations. I’m scared, Komaeda-kun!”

“Stop deflecting. You know what you did.” Komaeda said, voice taking on a condescending tone

“Komaeda! This is out of hand. She is distressed!” Sonia said loudly.

“Ah! Sorry. My apologies! I got a little riled up there! I really don’t appreciate liars.” The luckster chuckled, though his eyes were still icy as he backed off “continue, sorry that I interrupted you with my useless ramblings”

“They’re not useless.” Hajime commented, though he didn’t think the whole courtroom heard. Apparently they did, their heads whipping over to teen

“U-uhm. I k-know you probably don’t want me to t-talk, but is K-Komaeda-kun covering for you?” Tsumiki stuttered

“What? No.”

Hajime felt himself freeze up. This could completely destroy their entire case. Especially with the unknown talent option- people could infer that he was anything.

“Unfortunately, no. I’m not covering for Hinata-kun. Wouldn’t it be so wonderful!? If Hinata-kun had killed someone, that would have created such incredible despair! Someone so universally liked and trusted turning on everyone in such an uncharacteristic way! Such hope would come from such an unfortunate twist. I wish it had been Hinata-kun. I wish he’d killed me, especially, for him to wrap those hands around my neck and  _ squeeze-“ _

“Shut the fuck up. We get it, you’re not covering for the bastard.” Kuzuryuu sighed

“He’s still so freaking creepy...” Souda whispered

“The snow demon speaks the truth. His aura, albeit menacing, exudes the elixir of honesty” Tanaka added, Hajime nearly sighing in relief.

“That could j-just be an act!” Tsumiki accused, pointing a shaking finger out at Komaeda. She was cracking slowly “why are you accusing me! Is it because I’m a w-weak little g-girl? Is it just easier to p-pick on me!?” Tears streamed down the Ultimate Nurse’s face.

“As I said. We’re trying to find the truth.” Hajime muttered

“Tsumiki is such a small innocent girl, Hinata. I dunno if she’d be the kind of girl to kill someone. Just sayin’” Nidai grumbled

This sort of argument went on for a while longer. It was strenuous, especially when the culprit was so painfully obvious at this point. Those cracks just kept getting more and more obvious. Komaeda occasionally spoke, but after his outburst he’d mellowed it out. Each time he did make a comment it was tiny jabs at Tsumiki, trying to wear her down into a confession.

Eventually it happened. She snapped

“Stop! Why do you keep targeting me! You’re all just bullies! You don’t realise how much it ends up destroying someone having them constantly being told how sorry they are for them and then just watching as people get away with treating people badly! Saoinji didn’t care! She didn’t care about me, and she constantly told me how awful and useless I was! I’m tired! I was sick and tired of it. I wanted her to stop talking permanently. I wanted her to suffer and hurt as much as I did!” Tsumiki yelled, stutter gone as she panted “She looked at my disgusting body and she pointed out how impure I was. How damaged! I. Could. Not. Take. It. She took off my bandages and she laughed at what was underneath! Hahahahahaha. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care. Just kill me! I want to take all of you down, for all of you to feel the despair I felt, every single day. I want you to be in pain as you watch me die, knowing you let this happen.” Tsumiki collapsed after this, nonsensical ramblings coming out of her mouth. Everyone was looking on, shell shocked at her confession. They stayed like that, until of course, he spoke

“The ultimates didn’t do this, Tsumiki-san. They didn’t cause your death, nor did they cause Saionji-san’s.” Komaeda said bluntly.

The stare he got from the girl should have been enough to break a normal person’s composure, but Komaeda remained completely still.

“How ironic. You’re the same as me, Komaeda-kun. Victims. We’re victims. Everyone watched as these terrible things happened to you, didn’t they? You have no one to love. No one to love you. You think that anyone here cares anymore about you than they care about me? And yet here we are!” Tsumiki said, voice at a strange pitch as she giggled “How does it feel to know you’re the same as me. You’ll never be forgiven, you’ll never be the same. You’ll n-never be liked, never be cared for. Only d-difference is that I’m d-dying, right?” Tears started to leak out of Tsumiki’s eyes, sobs choking out of her small frame.

Komaeda was silent. Hajime looked over to him, though the lucky student refused to make eye contact, a smile sliding back onto his face.

It didn’t reach any other part of him.

Monokuma made them all tell him ‘whodunnit’, the students abysmally putting all of their votes in for Tsumiki. The ultimate nurse cries turned into laughter, then into a dazed face, nothing left to see in her gaze, as she was dragged off towards an inevitable and brutal end. Hajime didn’t want to watch, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away as Tsumiki’s execution began.

And then it was over, and the Ultimate Nurse was no more.

They all stood in empty shock, the look slack on all of their faces. What was there to say after something like that? Even the more talkative characters were quiet, eyes downcast or wide open, tears leaking out of some of their eyes.

Soon, a strange feeling overtook Hajime, his head spinning and hurting as if it had too much pressure in it. His vision began to blur, a strange vignette slowly overtaking him as he dropped to the floor.

Then he passed out.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Hajime isn’t a great internal narrator but Tsumiki just couldn’t take it and snapped. I don’t think she’d do this fr but I needed to form something of a trial because there’s so Despair disease. Also please forgive my bad writing :,) I’ve never written a trial before and it was really really hard


	7. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the class trial, Hajime and Komaeda need to have a talk. 
> 
> Finally, things begin to clear for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is *officially* the last chapter! The next is a bonus... :]
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> (Might be a little out of character but this is my fanfiction and I can make the rules /pos)

  
  


The second he passed out and met with black, every single other person in that courtroom did so too, bodies falling to the floor. Everything was completely black.

And then he woke up.

Panting heavily and blinking hard, Hajime looked around to find his classmates sitting up, looking dazed and confused. His head hurt, probably from falling on the ground, but he seemed otherwise okay. He couldn’t help but notice the all too familiar pressure on his chest. Right. Looking down he saw the tanned, freckled arms, making the move to touch his hair, which was short and spiky. His hair. Not Komaeda’s.

The first person to get up and leave was easy to spot, the white hair unmistakable. They were back in their bodies now... that was right. He couldn’t feel happy about that right now, not right after one of his friends had quite literally just died. Even if Tsumiki had ended up being deranged, she’d still been kind for the most part. She hadn’t deserved an ending like that. No one did. 

Thinking back to what she’d said in the trial, and what had happened beforehand, however, Hajime instantly knew who currently needed the most help here, so, getting to his feet and groaning, he sped walked out after the luckster, relishing the lack of pain or fatigue he now felt. The others were too preoccupied to stop him, so quickly catching up with the other Hajime laid a hand on his shoulder, the other jolting in surprise, then whipping his head around. 

“What?” Komaeda asked sharply, continuing to walk quickly off. God it looked so much more right, those expressions, the little mannerisms, the movements. 

“We need to talk.” Hajime said, catching up again, somewhat out of breath

“I don’t really see much to talk about. My apologies if disgusting scum such as myself can’t recognise what you want.” Komaeda seethed, the underlying bitterness obvious, “now, wouldn’t it be smarter to leave someone like me alone?” 

“No! What’s gotten into you?” Hajime growled. The white haired boy gave the other a look, sighing

“Tsumiki-san was right, you know?” His tone was still bitter, grey eyes refusing to make eye contact.

“About what?” Hajime prodded, though he knew what the other was going on about

“That no one will forgive me, that I’ll always be alone. I don’t deserve it! I don’t deserve any of it. And she knew it too.” Komaeda laughed, eyes wide. Even now all Hajime was really thinking about was how right it looked. That was Komaeda! That was his face and his hands and his eyes.

“Wait. Why are you smiling?” Komaeda blinked, both of them coming to a halt in front of one of the beaches. 

“It’s because you’re you.” Hajime admitted with a nervous chuckle. When the lucky student gave him a confused look, Hajime continued “For starters, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but what Tsumiki said was bullshit, alright? I care about you, for whatever reason, and... Even if not right now, I know I’m going to forgive you soon, alright? You’re not alone, and I’m going to make sure that you won’t be anymore.”

Komaeda looked him down, blinking in shock, his voice small when he said “why?”

“You got your second chance and you didn’t mess it up. You’ve been nothing but kind and helpful to me since this stupid motive started and while you’re hard to understand, I think you’re definitely someone worth caring about.” 

Little bubbles of surprised laughter came out of the other boy “I’m not.”

“Who dictates that?” Hajime countered

“My luck. You’re a bit slow today, Hinata-kun. It doesn’t care if you care. It will take you away from me and I have no say in that. You know, causing me despair is useless, seeing I can’t truly achieve hope, so if you died, I truly think it would be for nothing. My luck will kill you, that much is guaranteed if you continue to stay this close to me, understand?”

“I think that’s wrong. You’re still here and you’re still alive and so am I. Doesn’t that count for something?” Hajime reached out and hesitantly put a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder

“...” no reply, but he didn’t withdraw. The brunette was pretty sure the other wasn’t able to think up what to say. Then, quietly, so much so that Hajime had to strain to hear it “I’m just scared.”

And that said enough. Nothing followed, no hope or despair spiel. Nothing. 

Hajime softly put another hand on Komaeda’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug, who froze up, joints locking in place before he hesitantly returned the gesture, thin arms wrapping around Hajime’s back, the brunette patting his soft hair. God it felt so much more right, having that muscle back on his bones and that heat under his skin. Felt so much more right feeling that white, fluffy hair attached to someone else, that thin frame being something he could wrap his arms around and hold instead of have it be his own. 

“I don’t deserve you, Hinata-kun” Komaeda muttered thickly into Hajime’s shirt

“Yet here I am” Hajime replied “and I promise, I won’t be leaving any time soon, okay?”

“... I suppose so.”

“I’m staying alive for myself too, don’t worry. I want to have a future once this is over. And I dunno, I want you to have a future as well. I think after all of this we all deserve it, honestly.”

“You’re very persistent. I guess it would make me far less deserving to defy and ultimate, wouldn’t you say?” Komaeda sighed “though, it’s not really like I have much of a future left.” 

Hajime felt himself grimace. Right. How had he forgotten about that? Cancer and dementia. Two incurable things bestowed on one person. It sent a wave of sadness through him, to know that someone who he’d come to like was at this point. For a minute, using the word ‘like’ and ‘Komaeda’ in a sentence put up red alerts in his mind... but... it didn’t really have to be that way anymore, did it? He wasn’t scared of Komaeda; Didn’t hold anything against him. He shouldn’t have done what he’d done, it had been something irreversible and downright despicable, but one bad action didn’t mean that Komaeda was a bad person. The white haired boy wasn’t a good person either, but at the same time, Hajime knew he had the potential to be. This even more so, led to that pang in his heart. He was scared too, for himself, for Komaeda. He didn’t want either of them to die.

“... if you don’t have much of a future left, then why waste what little of a one you have left?” Hajime eventually said

“Huh?” 

“Have a good time, do all of the things that you want to do. That sort of thing” Hajime shrugged, letting go of their hug, giving the other boy a smile 

Komaeda was silent, looking at Hajime with an owlish gaze, grey eyes blinking sporadically, as if the teen was attempting to process what had just been said.

“All of the things I want to do, you say. How ridiculous” he eventually muttered, breaking his gaze. “I would want to stay with you, want to be forgiven, want to be held by you again like last night-“ a small laugh “-they’re all quite selfish, aren’t they? My desires all require you to lower yourself to my level, to treat me as if I’m something other than useless and hopeless”

“No, that’s wrong- you’re not hopeless or useless. You’ve got wants, which in a way, means you have hope too, right? And you’re not useless- you quite literally stopped us from dying. I don’t think that puts you in the useless category, dumbass” Hajime made sure he tacked on the lame insult at the end so that he didn’t sound like too much of a sap, though he meant every word.

“Ah, keep this up, Hinata-kun and I might get attached” Komaeda chuckled, wiping at his eyes. Was he crying?

“I don’t think that’d be so bad” Hajime smiled “it’s getting late. If you want to, feel free to stay with me. I don’t mind, but I do appreciate the company.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

Hajime walked into his cabin, the thin boy following straight behind him, fiddling with his green jacket sleeves and bouncing on his heels. 

And he realised what he was implying. Komaeda was staying with him a second night in a row, without the extenuating circumstances. This was fully Hajime’s choice. God what was he doing!? If anyone saw them Hajime would be completely and totally fucked. God he was an idiot! 

But he still closed the door behind him, still sat down on his bed, patting the spot next to him for the other to sit. Still smiled at the white-haired boy, watching as a small grin pulled across his face.

He knew that this was definitely becoming something far out of hand. He should not be doing this. Every single other person on this stupid island would agree. But it was a basic human thing- a want for comfort- and this strange, somewhat unstable boy seemed to be the one who could give it to him. Hajime was tired, and all he wanted to do was to lie down and sleep for ten hours. Preferably with another person. Even if that person happened to be Komaeda Nagito it seemed.

And to hell with it. Hajime didn’t care. No one could see them and neither of them were going to say anything 

“We should get in our pyjamas...” Hajime mumbled, getting up again and groaning at his sore back. 

“Ah... right. Hinata-kun, I do hope you understand that you really shouldn’t have listened to my wants and desires. If you’re doing this because you think I want it, then-“

“No. I want you to stay,” Hajime said quickly, suddenly too exhausted to argue “please, Komaeda, trust my words. I’m too tired for this shit.”

“Oh... My apologies, then. If... for whatever reason, this is truly what you want, then I guess I can’t refuse...” (was the other blushing right now?!)

“Yeah.” Hajime replied dumbly, handing Komaeda the pair of pyjamas he’d worn the previous night, going into the bathroom and unbuttoning his shirt.

For a second, Hajime thought of leaving his binder on- to sleep in it to spare him the unending shame of not wearing it around other people- but Komaeda knew everything, had seen everything too, so the brunette eventually decided against it, sighing as he pulled it off, refusing to look at himself in the mirror as he put on the soft pyjamas, padding out to find Komaeda sitting there, fully changed. He was still wearing his jacket though. Hajime couldn’t help but feel as though he knew why that was

“Komaeda...” Hajime sat down next to him, the other boy blinking 

“Mm?”

“Are you going to take your jacket off? You’re going to get hot otherwise.”

“I wouldn’t think you’d want to see any more of my body than you already have, Hinata-kun” He asserted quickly 

“I don’t mind. There’s nothing wrong with your body, so if you want to, you can take it off. If you don’t, leave it on.” Hajime shrugged, shuffling under the sheets.

“There’s nothing wrong with yours either, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda said slowly, unwrapping himself from the thick coat, leaving it on the floor, sliding under the covers too. 

“Thanks.” Hajime grumbled. It felt wrong, and Komaeda knew it. Though, just because it felt wrong, didn’t mean it fundamentally was wrong. It could always be changed. 

“... Are you doing okay, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asked, propping himself up a bit

“Hm? Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been worrying about everyone else so much, and the trial was... well... It was difficult, was it not? I’m just checking if you’re alright” The lucky student looked at him so genuinely it was hard not to forget everything he’d done previously 

“Oh. I’m fine, I guess. I’m just tired and sort of uncomfortable.” Hajime shrugged, sighing “not that I can really do much about it, so it’s fine”

“I’m not making you more uncomfy, right?” Komaeda asked hesitantly 

“God no. It’s just how my body is, okay?” Hajime muttered

“Ah. I don’t know how much it means, coming from someone like me, but if we both get out of here, I can probably help with that, if you’d like.”

“... you would?” Hajime felt another twinge in his heart, his face heating up. 

“Of course! Remember? I said I’d do anything for you. And I want you to be happy. It’s not like there’s any monetary concern.” Komaeda chirped, eyes sparkling excitedly 

“...thank you.” Hajime smiled “it’s late though, we should sleep.” 

Komaeda nodded, shimmying back under the covers.

After Hajime switched off the light, the two of them lay there in silence, though it was broken by a quiet request

“Ah. If you don’t mind... ah... you know how you embraced me...”

“Yeah... okay. Roll over”

The other did as he asked, Hajime wrapping his arms around him and pulling Komaeda close, enough to feel the white hair tickling his face. Their hands were touching, cold and clammy on warm and dry. Long and spindly compared to shorter and muscular

“May I ask one more question?” Komaeda inquired quietly 

“Sure, I guess. You don’t need to ask to ask a question though” 

“You do know that I’m in love with you, right?” Komaeda said. It seemed rhetorical, and Hajime felt himself lock up in shock of how blunt it was. Not beating around the bush. God. 

It took him a few moments to recover from such a bold statement, hoarsely replying with “yes”

“And?”

“And I like you? I mean, in a more than a friend way.” Hajime admitted. To both Komaeda and himself apparently. It was silly, but unfortunately true.

“Ah. I’m afraid I don’t know how to reply.” Komaeda said dumbly

Hajime couldn’t help but laugh. He broke him.

“You don’t need to.”

“Thank you.” The other snuggled into the covers a bit more, going silent for a few minutes, then “I’m sorry to keep asking you questions... but... does this mean that you’ve forgiven me?”

That question wasn’t nearly as bad as the first one. Instantly the answer bubbled out of his mouth “yes.”

“Ah.” A sniff came from the other. Was he crying? Again? 

“Wait. Komaeda. Turn over”

“I don’t think you’d want to see my face right now, Hinata-kun” Komaeda said, voice thick

“Yes I do. Turn over”

Slowly, Komaeda’s blotchy crying face came into view, his cheeks and nose red, tears leaking out of his eyes as he wiped his nose

“Sorry I’m such a mess, I’m just really happy right now. I didn’t think this would happen. Not now, not ever. I’m so, so lucky to have met you, Hinata Hajime. Thank you so much for everything.” Komaeda smiled, more tears pouring down his face as he grabbed Hajime’s hands in his own and held his knuckles up to his lips, eyes glittering.

Now Hajime was lost for words. “Uh. Thank you too. For being someone I can find comfort in” Hajime replied lamely, Komaeda just wrapped himself around the other, giggling slightly 

“Goodnight Hinata-kun. Thank you again. For everything”

“Same goes for you, Komaeda. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hajime felt himself smile 

“See you tomorrow.” Komaeda echoed

They both fell asleep in minutes, and there were no disturbances. No nightmares from Komaeda, no interruptions from monokuma. 

Cracking his eyes open, Hajime realised that whatever had happened the night before hadn’t been some dream. Early morning sunlight streamed onto the two of them, Hajime’s heart warming at the sight of Komaeda still there, the fluffy white hair going everywhere.

Maybe this was when Hajime realised that, even throughout all of this terrible, godforsaken killing game, some Hope could come out of it after all. 

Who knew it would come in the shape of a tall white-haired boy and an unfortunate killing game motive.

Either way, that hope was blooming in his chest. Knowing that he would make it. And, with Komaeda now safely in his arms, maybe they’d make it together. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How this story went
> 
> Friends to enemies to friends to pseudo-lovers (essentially) 
> 
> Honestly idc if this is out of character these are my comfort bastards and I love them...
> 
> Thank you for reading, by the way! I love each and all of you! /p


	8. Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter, except from Nagito’s point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added this one just as a bit of fun. I really wanted to write the first chapter partially from Nagito’s perspective but it’s hard when my writing style doesn’t work like that, so I decided to have it as a sneaky bonus chapter instead. 
> 
> Enjoy this self indulgent bonus!

The irritating Monokuma announcement played, almost instantly waking Nagito up from whatever short period of uninterrupted sleep that he was having. The night before had been plagued with horrific nightmares, so surely there would be some sort of luck bounce back from this. Otherwise the grasping and pulling at his blankets, cold sweat and tortured sobbing really would be for nothing. (As the nightmare usually were, unfortunately)

Sighing, he rolled over and felt himself freeze a little. That felt weird. How strange... besides, he needed to get up- he could investigate this feeling once he was getting dressed. It was time for everyone to assemble at the dining hall, and as much as everyone really did not enjoy his presence there, it was somewhat of a requirement, to his (and his classmates) dismay.

The strange feeling on his body only intensified when he sat up, a strange lightness and lack of effort required, yet an equally strange heaviness elsewhere. Nagito felt himself blink, frowning slightly.

Looking down at his hands, he realised that this really wasn’t his body. No way..! Eyes widening, instead of seeing bony, pale hands, he was faced with olive palms and freckled forearms, along with strong looking legs. How peculiar. Padding over to the mirror, Nagito’s suspicions were confirmed- this absolutely wasn’t his body. Was this the good luck? He supposed so, he didn’t feel sick, or even tired. Either way, the mirror showed a shocked looking Hinata Hajime staring out at him, the short, spiky hair unmistakable. Wow! Just to make sure, Nagito beamed at the mirror, the reflection doing the same... Half heartedly he wished that he saw Hinata do that more often. The other boy, after the killing game started, hadn’t smiled properly at all, and it really had been unfortunate to see. When the two had first started hanging out, the brunette had smiled a lot more, nervous little grins here and there. Nagito missed it.

Though, that didn’t matter right now, mind sliding back to the issue at hand.

How was this even possible? Looking down and examining Hinata’s body, Nagito instantly noticed the fact that the other’s body was female (or at least, it appeared that way..?). Perhaps Monokuma had messed up? Was there something else to the story? Flopping back onto Hinata’s bed, Nagito sighed. Either way, he didn’t really care, though an explanation would really do him some good.

This was definitely the next motive, though however it tied into everyone else was yet to be seen. Maybe they had been swapped around and then had extra parts added, or taken away, or changed, just to confuse everyone more. Maybe only a few people had been switched around, to make it feel as though the swapped pairs were going insane. What an interesting trial that would make!

Either way, it wasn’t as though Nagito could leave the cabin, not when he had no idea what had happened to his own body and what to do with Hinata’s as Nagito didn’t know the full situation, nor did he want to compromise the other’s privacy more than he already had. How unfortunate! How despairing to whoever woke up in his body. He really didn’t care who it was, though it would truly be upsetting if they’d been conventionally swapped. Hinata seemed to hate him the least out of everyone, so waking up in a disgusting body like Nagito’s and seeing all of the things about it that were so very wrong was quite worrying. He didn’t want a wave of hatred, even less a wave of pity directed his way. He didn’t know which he’d rather- Hinata screaming at him in rage or that look people got in their eyes when he was at doctors appointments. As if they were looking at something that was already dead and preemptively mourning him.

Getting up again and stretching, the luckster paced the room. Aside from the obvious, Hinata’s body was actually rather pleasant to be in. It had an almost internal heat going in it, his skin not feeling cold and clammy like it normally did, small freckles littering his arms. Nagito hadn’t noticed those beforehand- probably because someone like him hadn’t got the opportunity to get close enough to an Ultimate as amazing as Hinata. But it was very cute, going back to the mirror and seeing the same little dots on his face too, like a little galaxy, brought a little smile to Nagito’s face. (Or Hinata’s face? He really wasn’t so sure of the specifics) 

Along with that, feeling the other’s arms, Nagito couldn’t help but be surprised at how muscular he was. The lucky student hadn’t noticed that either, but he could feel the effortlessness in moving everything, the lack of tightness and pain. Even the slight softness was nice, Nagito wrapping his arms around himself and sighing. God, Hinata would make an amazing cuddle buddy. He was the whole package...! Maybe if he imaged hard enough, it felt like the other boy was hugging him now. (How pathetic of him)

Nagito froze, feeling his eyebrows furrow. He really shouldn’t be taking advantage of Hinata’s body like this, using it to fulfil his selfish and disgusting desires. How very unsavoury! It wasn’t as though the other boy could consent to his body being used by him, especially not in this way, so, giving himself one last comforting squeeze, he sat back up. All he could do could wait for Hinata come and find him. They needed to talk about this, and about whatever else might be entailed in the situation. And also where his clothes were- Nagito couldn’t find them for the life of him

Soon enough, a knock sounded at the door. Nagito really couldn’t know who it was, so he didn’t answer 

“I know someone’s in there. Who is it?” A voice. Nagito couldn’t tell who’s right now, so instead of explaining everything first up, it was probably better to lie. If Hinata was knocking at the door, he would pick up on it. If not, then it was someone else

“...Hinata Hajime?” Nagito almost marvelled at how similar he sounded to the other “who else would it be?” 

“You’re not Hinata. I’m Hinata. Now open up.” 

Nagito almost cried with relief, though it was short lived when the other quite abruptly stormed in the room. The luckster felt his stomach drop in dread when he saw his body, in it bony, tall and pale glory. Hinata must’ve seen all of the scars, felt all of the sickness raging in it along with the bone deep fatigue. Seeing his own body from an outside perspective, Nagito couldn’t help but realise what terrible condition he really was in, his eyes looking racoon-like with the deep shadows. 

It wasn’t comforting to know that Hinata now knew those things about him too. 

“Uh. Hey.” Hinata mumbled, looking awkward and out of place. Somehow he sounded almost the exact same as to how he did in his own body, voice taking on the nice tenor it usually did. Nagito didn’t really need pleasantries. He needed to know what was going on, and if anything had been changed with his body

“Hinata-kun, I just need to know... have you been feeling ill? Unwell?” Nagito angled his head to try and get a better look of the other boy, the grumpy expression looking strange on what was supposed to be his face

“You’re really sick-“ Hinata said bluntly. Nagito felt himself lock up slightly, ready to make an excuse, before the other continued “Don’t even bother trying to cover it up. I feel like shit.”

Nagito felt himself exhale, playing with his now short hair. Hinata had his lymphoma. If this motive wasn’t fulfilled, the one person Nagito actually truly cared about would die. The pressure mounting in Nagito’s head was not pleasant. It made him feel like he needed to slam his head into something or repeatedly rock back and forward to just get it out. He wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh until he couldn’t feel this anymore.

“I know.” Nagito said, hating how hollow his voice sounded. 

They spoke for a while longer, Hinata getting mad at him and nearly pulling him out the door to the dining hall, Nagito feeling his face heat up as he stayed stuck to the bed, digging his heels into the floor.

“Komaeda, we will go to the diner and see what the hell is going on, and then you are telling me what is wrong, alright?” 

“Such powerful words from an ultimate! Hinata-kun wants to spend time with someone as disgusting as me? How wonderful!” Nagito rambled. He was stalling. The concept of shame and embarrassment seemed somewhat unknown to him for a while, but it was coming back to him now. How could he gently breach this to Hinata without making him uncomfortable? Another tug from the other boy on his wrist, Nagito laughing lightly, knowing his face was red “ah... but I do need your help. I’m not too sure if this is a body swap thing but you... ah. How do I say this?” Nagito chuckled stumbling over his words, not too sure what to do, crossing his arms awkwardly over his chest. 

Hinata blinked, looking surprised, face going red too as he averted his gaze to the floor

“Uh... yeah. It’s not a body swap thing.” He mumbled, looking at his toes “sorry.” 

Nagito frowned, uncrossing his arms. Hinata hadn’t done anything wrong...? Why was he apologising? The embarrassment and shame was evident on the other’s face as Nagito stood up, properly facing the other teen. 

“Why are you sorry?” Nagito tilted his head slightly as he said it. 

“Uh. I lied to you, right?” Hinata took a half-step back

Lied to him? “No you didn’t” Nagito quickly countered, “you’re Hinata-kun, I don’t think that has changed, has it?”

The luckster didn’t think it possible, but somehow the other teen had gone more red, scratching the back of his neck nervously. God he wished they were in their own bodies, Hinata would look remarkably cute with that expression on his face. 

“..no?” Hinata replied, voice cracking.

“Then it’s fine!” Nagito beamed “though, I need to know where that thing you wear is- I’d understand if you don’t want someone like me in your clothes though.”

Even while it still seemed awkward for him, Hinata’s demeanour went back to its normal grumpiness “you have to wear something.” His shirt and pants were tossed at him, along with his undergarments. Inspecting what he’d been given, Nagito almost laughed then and there at the boxers, little floral patterns all over them. Along with that, there was a white piece of clothing that looked vaguely like a crop top. So this was it... He’d seen them before- a chest binder, right?- either way, he should get dressed. Hinata knew what he looked like anyway, so starting to take off his shirt-

“H-hey! Not right here!” Hinata spluttered, looking away, face red again. 

So he was insecure? Nagito had been in Hinata’s body for long enough to know there was nothing to be insecure about... but at the same time, Nagito had no idea what Hinata had been dealing with to get to this point here. He didn’t know enough about this sort of thing to make any kind of accurate judgement. (If Hinata felt badly about his body, Nagito wished he could help somehow. The other deserved everything the lucky student didn’t- happiness, peace, comfort. Though, Nagito doubted that someone as useless as he was would be able to achieve such a feat.)

Nagito apologised, ducking into the bathroom. Taking off his shirt and shuffling the binder on over his chest, the lucky student looked himself over in the mirror again. He was really glad to see how healthy the other was, relieved to know he was taking care of himself. That couldn’t really be said for someone like Nagito. How unreliable and pathetic. He couldn’t even take care of himself properly. Unlike him, Hinata wasn’t underweight, or sick, or covered in scars. Nagito ran his hand over his stomach, sighing and relishing the warmth and softness he could never have. He didn’t have a right to wish for those things, didn’t deserve those things on his body either. And now he had them and Hinata didn’t. It was not fair on the other, being forced into a disgusting, ugly body like his.

Shaking his head, annoyed with himself for letting such pointless fantasising get the better of him, he got dressed. He’d hate to think that he was holding up someone as amazing as Hinata, that would be simply unforgivable of him. It was already unforgivable that he was now stuck in what was supposed to be his body. Tightening his belt to what was comfortable, he didn’t bother to put the tie on (he’d never been taught. His parents had died before he’d been able to learn) 

Walking out and smiling upon seeing Hinata, to his utter surprise the other returned the gesture. When he’d received a smile back, Nagito couldn’t help the fluttering his heart gave. Couldn’t help the tiny droplet of Hope seeping into his chest. Hope that he very quickly squashed under knowing that whatever happened something equally as terrible would occur after. 

The dining hall had gone as planned. Not very well. Monokuma had unsurprisingly announced the motive and whisked himself off to god knows where, leaving every else awkwardly standing around, scared and feeling very out of place in what was meant to be another person’s body.

Though... Hinata had smiled at him again, in such a genuine way. Nagito wasn’t sure why, and he was ashamed to feel butterflies in his stomach at that, the kind, warm feeling that Hinata gave him spreading throughout his body again. 

He supposed, maybe this motive was the good luck. Especially if he got to see Hinata more. Even more so if perhaps, he could see his smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> U wake up in yur crushes body what do u do (answer: hug yourself)
> 
> Thanks again for reading this fic! Honestly there wasn’t anything deep abt this one I just wanted to write something for a bit of fun and also to explore the dynamics of a body swap a bit better ...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Make sure to drink water, take your meds responsibly, have a snack and love your friends! You're super valid and I hope you're doing well :)
> 
> Find me on instagram @yeetbixed


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